Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Not the bullshit kind of "It's not you. It's me" explanation.


Yes, a new post!!

Okay. Not the most brilliant intro. Forgive me. You've GOT to forgive me. It's (almost) Christmas after all. And I haven't caught up on my sleeping.

So this is just gonna be quick.

I know I have been MIA on this blog AND on your blogs this past month. December has always been too crazy for me. We (I mean, my coworkers and I) have been busy at work as we have been having the super famous MANDATORY OVERTIME that no one can escape from but I can't really complain because all of us are suffering from it and not just me and I totally understand why we have to finish all the medical reports before Christmas so how can I complain?

So that has been Monday night to Saturday morning (or midday-ish) for me.

Then on weekends, I rush to the bead store after work and buy the stuff that I need and go home and try to finish all the accessories that my friends ordered, which they need before Christmas because they are going to use the bracelets and/or necklaces as gifts to kids so I totally have to finish them. BEFORE. CHRISTMAS. Because the little girls are expecting them.

And I don't want to disappoint children.

So I still try to continue doing this after work.

Too much pressure.

Not that I'm complaining. I kinda need the extra income.

One of the bracelets I made for my coworker's 3-year-old niece.
Long story short, I barely have time to go online when I get home from work or on weekends. Actually, I don't. At all. I barely even have time to get a decent sleep. Especially on weekends.

Oh! And I haven't done my holiday shopping yet. So I'm gonna have a lot of people mad at me this year. No gifts.


I'll find a way.

So, that's all. I just thought I'd let you know that I'm not dead.

And as I said, it's not you. It's me. I still love you all. AND your blogs. AND I'm so trying to catch up.

And I'm still slightly active on Twitter.

On a brighter note, I got the package from Israel!! So remember when I announced that I won Israel's caption contest? I got the prize!! Someone protested but I'm good at ignoring people I don't know. *wink*

Here are the pictures:

Thanks again, Israel.

So, that's it. When I come back in January, I will tell you the whole story about the girl who stole my cake and her ridiculous side of the story (oh, you're not gonna believe this!) and a lot of other stuff that *I* think are funny.

Oh! Before I forget, I'd like to remind you that we are having a Martini and Mud Pack Online Blogger Social so if you have your pictures ready, you can email them to me. You all know my email address. If you don't, let me know in the comments section.

Also, I know you've all been busy. It's Christmas.


P.S. I'd like to apologize in advance if you see some typo and/or incoherent sentences in this post. My brain is starting to shut down.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

The Perfect Christmas Gift For THAT FRIEND You Secretly Hate

This is the season for gift giving. More often than not, thinking of a gift for every family member and friend is a difficult task.

But it is certainly more difficult to think of a gift for THAT FRIEND.

Yes. That friend you secretly hate. That friend who will conceivably expect a gift even if they know you don't like them that much.

I have a few suggestions. Of course, fuckers! When did I ever fail you? I have the solution to everything. What??

Let's begin!

1. For that friend who always tries to please everyone, who alters their personality based on what they think a certain person would like, tries to get everyone's approval- but they always claim that they're being true to themselves.

Gift suggestion: A full-face white mask. And sleeping pills.

So the mask is too obvious. Like- "Yeah, yeah, a mask for their different personalities... blah-blah-blah.." Bite. Me.

Wait. But the pills? You're not gonna include it in the gift box where they could see it right away. It should be a surprise. When you can't bear the pretensions anymore, just slip a few pills into their drink and when they're asleep, you will not be annoyed anymore. And at least they got to rest. Pretending all the time must be tiring. It's for a good cause.

2. For that friend who doesn't care how long you've been waiting for them because they had to change their outfit 10 times more than a normal person should is always late because of "traffic". (I know. I have issues with this friend. Shut. Up.)

Gift suggestion: Ball and chain.

Did you expect I would suggest you give them a watch? That is SO gradeschool! People who are always late do not look at the time! They don't care. Don't waste your money on gifts that they won't even use! The ball and chain would be perfect. You just attach it to their ankle and throw away the key. That way, they will never use the "traffic" excuse again and you will no longer feel like an idiot all the time. They are late because it's so hard to walk. Perfect!

3. For that friend who thinks they know everything and that their opinions are the only ones that should be heard and no one could ever argue because all of you are wrong and they are right.

Gift Suggestion: Pen and paper.

They should write a rule book. I mean, with a brain like that?

4. For that friend person (because who would have a friend like this) who takes things that don't belong to them (aka The Thief).
So you ordered and paid for something and had it delivered to your work place and someone cold-bloodedly took it. While you're waiting for it. I know, sneaky. And shameless.

Gift Suggestion: A "movie poster" with them on it.

Have it framed. It should look expensive, unique, and personalized. No, it's not a mugshot. And it's not a Wanted poster either. Tell them you made it look like a movie poster. They should feel like a celebrity with this kind of glamorous portrait.

Yes, that last one just happened to me. Oh! She can have my cake and eat it too. No. Literally. She stole my cake. She can eat it.

And yes. It's the last suggestion for today. Who stops at #4? Me! I'm weird like that.

Do you have other friends that you secretly hate?


The martini and mudmask option won the poll. Tyla is currently working on the invitation. You can send me your pictures via Email, Twitter, or Facebook. We have 3 weeks to prepare. Let's consider this our New Year's Party.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Some things are just not negotiable. Deal with it.

So here's the thing: You know when you don't get enough sleep, you feel like you're just gonna be useless the whole day? And when you don't get anything done, you get frustrated?

It's like you feel that you should have just stayed in bed. Like you can almost hear your bed calling you because you didn't get enough quality time together.

Well, I'm like that.

Actually, I'm the kind of person who doesn't have a problem staying asleep. I can sleep for 10-13 hours a night and wake up and still have the ability to sleep again. It's like a super power.

The problem with me is initiating sleep. It's hard. Especially with my schedule, I have to sleep at noon, while everyone's awake, watching TV, eating, laughing, talking, and all that shit. I would always have a huge battle with the pillows and blankets, a lot of twisting and turning before I get comfortable.

And then I *might* be able to fall asleep.

The problem is that I have to wake up a certain time to go to work! So let's say, because initiating sleep to me is a huge task, I never get enough sleep on weekdays.

By the time the alarm clock (actually, my cell phone) goes off, I would still be in coma.

Well of course, there are times that I have the energy to get up and hit the snooze button to cheat a little and sleep some more. 
I change my alarm music all the time because I always end up hating the songs that disturb my sleep.

But there are times that I don't even need the snooze button because *I* am in coma sound asleep. And when I'm sleeping, I don't hear anything.

To think, I even have a Rob Thomas (even Eminem on the second alarm) song to make sure I wake up. I mean, seriously, Rob Thomas is like-- Dang!! (I love you, Rob Thomas.)

But since I am a VERY RESPONSIBLE person (ahem), I will eventually get up. With the help of my mom and my sister yelling that I have to wake up because I'm gonna be late for work.

The result?

What the fuck do you want from me??? Oh. Yeah. Work. Okay!

So don't ask me what's wrong when I'm grumpy. THIS is what's wrong.

And no, it's not negotiable.

Gnetch + No Sleep = Grumpy.

That's life.

P.S. You can still vote on our blogger social poll. So far, Martini and Mudmasks Blogger Party is leading despite the fact that I messed up just a little bit and forgot the "we're". I can't edit it now. Doing so might delete the votes. I'm not sure. But I'm too lazy to look it up. :)

Friday, November 19, 2010

Now, don't be shocked but I've got some good news!! I KNOW!

Warning: Long(ish) post.

So we've all established that I'm forgetful. Right?


It's not like I don't appreciate you because I really do. Like, if I could give you one of my ears because it just so happened that you're the type of person who likes to collect ears, I would. Even if it would make you creepy and weird and disgusting and I might end up borrowing ears from a zombie. You know what I mean? Because I love you all like that.

So anyway, a few months ago (like, August...?) I got a few blog awards from my friends, which of course were greatly appreciated. I just forgot to post them.

This one was given to me by Ratz from What Can I Say.

Also from Ratzy!!

 This is from an awesome Asian, Tina from The Tina Life (See this post.)
I remember that this one has some sort of rule where you have to share a few facts about yourself. But my brain is fried. HELP ME!! Ask me anything. (Please...) *bats eyelashes*

This one is from Christina from Christina in Wonderland!! 

And the latest one? The I DON'T GIVE A FUCK award from Thoughts of a Randomista or TOAR. When I read her post, she made me smile. She said I'm her favorite Asian. No. Really! She said that!
Don't you just love that picture?

You fuckers made me happy despite the rollercoaster I've been going through these past few weeks. (I MEAN THAT!!!) If you noticed, I'm rarely posting anything. So thank you!!!

So, now! For the tagging part:

Chupacabra (did I spell it correctly??) Award of Excellence
Nino - My Kaefkasque Life
Israel Carrasco - Israel Carrasco Monologue Jokes
LaceyRee - This Freckled Lemonade
Dr. Heckle
Max Evel
Wolf - SNAFU Report

The Duct Tape Award For Bloggy Goodness
Emily Jane - 
Mel - ChinkyMel's Corner
Carina - Carina Blogarina
Jan - Between Me and My Thoughts.

The Versatile Blogger Award
Ratzy dear! I think I will only give this to Ratz. She is really a versatile blogger. Ttrust me.

A Blog With Substance
Ashton - Journalistic Musings
Nicki - The Loaded Handbag
Los Schoenys - Schoenrock Ohana
Tom - TbR Tangential

Ria - Serious stuff about lif... Oooh... Shiny!!
Tyla - Run Fat Girl Run
Sweta - The Disappearing Caravan
Christina - Christina In Wonderland

I really hope I did not forget anyone because I'd be punching myself in the head if I did. But if I did, FORGIVE ME!!!

There are also some people I did not forget but I decided not to include them at the moment because they are on blog vacation so I don't think they will be reading this post.


In another awesome news, I just won a "caption this" contest over at Israel's blog. Apparently, my suggestion made him chuckle the loudest. Oh! And his email came at the very moment that I was just about to scream because of the stressful situation I was having at work. So, yeah, the news made me happy.

And I haven't emailed him my address yet. SEE???

I will after this post.

And I got another awesome news but I don't think I'm allowed to reveal it. Yet.




After the epic success of our Online Vodka/Ice Cream Blogger Social, my Greek and Asian friends (including me, of course) decided to have another one.

Here's where I need your participation. I need you to vote.

Which one of these activities would you participate in?

If you have questions, let me know.

Also, boys, you wouldn't us girls to dominate again, would you?

Sunday, November 7, 2010

P.I.L.S. or People I'd Like To Strangle

Don't you think it's shocking how sometimes, little things just piss you off? Oh! So it's just me then?

Anyway, since I share ALMOST everything with you, again, I'm sharing this one. Also, because I'm in a PMS-y mood. See? I told you I share ALMOST everything! (Weeeee!!!)

Here are a few examples of people I'd like to strangle. Or PILS* for short.

The in-denial ass.

Sad to say, there are just some people who are natural-born assholes. Some are aware of it but they don't care and continue being assholes. Some are actually proud because they think being an assbag makes them cool. And some are just in denial. They think they are good when actually, they're not. Which is the WORST of all assbags. I think they have this thing I'd like to call the CAS or Chronic Asshole Syndrome.

I'm totally inventing acronyms now! Does that make me a... scientist? No? Because you know, invent + scientists +... What? Lame?


Anyway, want some examples?


♠ People who can't stay true to their words. Or those who don't follow through with their promises. And feed you with lame excuses.

Bloggers People who think they are some sort of celebrities and think they have the authority to tell people how to run their lives because apparently they know everything because "they've been through a lot." (HA-HA! ♫ I'll never te-ellll....♫♪ )

♠  The Copycat. - She's old news but she definitely falls into the category because I don't think she's aware that she's an ass.

The "perfect" people.

♠ People who don't admit that they are wrong. They always have an excuse.

♠ People who ask but don't believe because they think they know what really is up.

♠ Thin people making fun of fat people and fat people making fun of thin people. So maybe they think they are perfect.

The super important people.

These are the kind of people who are always HOURS late when you meet up.

Or those who, when the group decides to hang out, they're like, "Yes! I want to hang out."

But then, "Oh, that's too far from where I live. Can we meet at [insert a convenient place for them here]?"

Or maybe those who say, "I'm not used to places like that." Then the group would ask, "What you do want to do instead?" Then they'd be like, "It's up to you guys."

Okay, what??

These super important people seriously make me want to punch random strangers just to get the annoyed feeling out of my chest.

Okay, she's not really a stranger. But she's still annoying. Besides, she is also one of the people I'd like to strangle.

What? Don't you??

*Inspired by this movie I stumbled into while channel surfing where Christina Applegate called this guy a PILS or People I'd Like To Stab because he called her MILF. Can anyone tell me the title of this movie? Anyone??

*Taylor Momsen's picture (the non-gnetchified version) found here.

P.S. I now have a suggestion box on the side bar. Try it. It's for your own good. (Actually, it's not. I just want to steal your ideas. I'm sneaky like that.) Try it!! :)

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Another Great Idea: The Halloween Special (Alternative Title: How To Be A Badass Ghost)

I'm pretty sure most bloggers are still trying to decide who they will be this Halloween. And I know most bloggers have written posts about what costumes they are gonna be wearing and what others should wear.

But since I'm different and *ahem* more advanced, I'm gonna tell you how to be the most awesome ghost ever.

Yes. Ghost.

Because we all are gonna go there at some point.


So let's begin.

1. Tombstone.

Avoid having your family put "R.I.P" or "In Loving Memory Of" on your tombstone. Seriously?? That is so 10 years ago. Dare to be different! Be bold! Have them carve, "Hell Yeah, Fuckers!" or "Wanna come with?"

Better yet, have them write BRB or Be Right Back on your tombstone. Aside from its undeniable badassness, you will also save your family from depression of losing you.

Of course, you have to make your tombstone glow in the dark. We're talking about LOUD badassness here!! Hello??!

2. Makeup.

It is important to always look awesome. Your makeup should be loud. Colorful. Extravagant. Lively!!! Obviously, I'm not talking about a do-it-yourself makeup. How can you do it yourself when you're dead?! Duh?? Get a makeup artist!

See the illustration below:

Model is wearing tan foundation with sunkissed blush. Blood red lipstick is a must, especially if your eyeshadow is deep purple and your eyeliner is gray. Don't forget the false eyelashes and the weave! They are important.

So when you turn into a ghost, you will look like this:


3. Keep the promise you made.

Of course, when you say BRB, you have to keep that promise. Visit your loved ones! Terrify your enemies!! And get back on those fuckers who broke your heart when you were alive by visiting them in their dreams and breaking their plates and lampshades and punching small holes into their unused condoms.

But again, don't be just another ordinary ghost like this:

You have to be the most glamorous ghost.

(I know it's a bit early. But as I said, I'm advanced so suck it up.)


Sunday, October 17, 2010

MTV abused me. That's my explanation.

So yesterday, a high school classmate and I bumped into each other while I was grocery shopping so  we decided to go to Starbucks to catch up. 

While we were talking, a guy with a Justin Bieber hair walked into the coffee shop. He was not the only person I saw with that kind of hair yesterday. And the grocery store was also abusing my gift of hearing with all his croaky songs!

Just. Kill. Me.

So of course, I complained.
Me: I still don't understand this Bieber craze.

Ex-Classmate: ...?

Me: I mean, it's like a disease already-- Wait. Are you a fan??

Ex-Classmate: No but...

Me: It's like these teens are so crazy about him. I just don't understand it.

Ex-Classmate: ... you had a serious crush on Nick Carter back in high school!


She just compared Nick Carter to The Biebs. She did! This bitch just questioned my taste!

Okay, so flashback:

Back in high school, I wasn't really a fan of any pop group until the Backstreet Boys invaded MTV! When I first saw them, I was like, "Meh. They're too... pop for me."

And then MTV started raping me with all their interviews and music videos and tours and all that BSB shit. It was then I started to notice Nick Carter.

Don't laugh, fuckers! He was cute!!

Anyway, every time I heard any of their songs, I went gaga.

Though I was not crazy enough to spend money to go to their concert (in reality, I never enjoyed going to concerts because I hate crowded places and PDA in concerts are just very rampant), I was crazy enough to get pissed when I hear people lusting after him at school.

Don't judge me! I'm a 90's baby.

So anyway, that was 10 years ago. Fine. More than 10 years ago. And I have gotten over my love for him when he started to try to be a rocker. I mean, dude!! Are you kidding me??

But I must admit, I was a diehard fan. I collected posters and albums. I even recorded their songs when I heard them on the radio even though I had their albums. I was young, okay??!

In my defense, Nick Carter was really cute although he sounded nasal a little constipated when singing.

This is random but I think Glee should do a BSB episode.

I said don't judge me. Don't give me that look!!!

Sunday, October 10, 2010

*UPDATED* What? You want a piece of me? Trying to make my day, huh??

Don't you think I've had enough already? Like-- seriously? Huh, spammers??

And I'm not talking about the do-yourself-a-favor-by-following-my-blog spammers. (But you're included so you better listen).

I have been getting spams sent to my Gmail on a daily basis (well, almost). At first it was okay. Then the numbers started to grow. Larger and larger. Like Gremlins!

By the way, I used to want to have a pet Gremlin.

But I digress.

I have been getting spams more than I've been getting dandruff lately. Not that I prefer dandruff but you get my point.

Some want to share their inheritance with me.

Others talk to me in Chinese. I can't read Chinese!! (Uhm, Nino... Help?)

Some say I've won a huge amount of money.

Others invite me to join their site to increase traffic to my own site. The hell??

And one person offers me PENIS ENLARGEMENT.


There is this one lucky spammer that I replied to. I forgot which one but this is what I said: "GO FUCK YOURSELF."

I wrote that with feelings. Because I'm very passionate like that.

Anyway, I'd like to show you the spams I have been receiving because I'm really generous that I'd like to share this kind of shit with you.

You're welcome.

And to all of them, here's my message:
Now, I'm feeling better.

But if I get another spam, I will publish their e-mail addresses on this blog so they can get a taste of their own medicine.

Hey! That's like my most brilliant idea ever! *pats self in the back*

Anyway, in a totally unrelated note, I have been asked a lot of times where I get my ideas. Some even wonder if I'm really really really often that bored when I say "boredom makes me crazy."

I really don't know but I have a theory.

Obviously, some of the veins in my brain were not placed correctly. I must have bumped my head really bad when I was a baby.

I think when my mom popped me out of her vajayjay, this is what happened:


So as I said, if I get another spam after this post, I will publish their E-mail address. So far, I got 2 new spammers.

One is from, which of course, was in Chinese so I did not understand what the E-mail was about.

The second one is from

I don't have a clue what this E-mail was about but he made me want to crush his PURPLE MONKEY BALLS into tiny pieces.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Things I'd do for a laptop (No, not lap dance, asshole).

Look at this:
Click to enlarge:

Got it?

This is Tyla's idea and SURPRISE!!! I participated!!

So the topic she gave me: 
What do you want to have accomplished by the time you reach 30?

And the blog she recommended was HD In Effect, which I found quite awesome.

Since I only have like less than 2 years before I reach 30, I'm going to make this "goal" somewhat easy to reach.

No, it's not cheating, fuckers!!

Be ready. Because this is really, really, really deep.

By the time I reach 30, I want to...


Okay, calm down. Hear me out first!!!

All this time, I've been using my brother's PC to blog. And since it is his, it is sometimes hard to convince him to let me use his PC when I get home from work or on weekends.

So I will wait.

And wait...

And wait...

And fucking wait some more...

What. The. Fuck??

So this is what happens every day. By the time he allows me to use the PC, it will be almost my bedtime.

So it is pissing me off. Like, REALLY pissing me off.


Yes, I provide food, electricity, phone, water, and everything else in between (including my meds) in this house.

We split the Internet bill though.

Anyway, I have already made a few first awesome steps so I can get a laptop:

On Facebook and on Twitter:

And the biggest step I've made so far:

The fucker ignored my proposal.

I really really want to get my own laptop that I've thought about cheating on Drew Fuller!

I'm sorry, Drew. I love you too.

Anyway,when I get the laptop that I want, I will be able to blog anytime.

Even in my sleep.

Now bitches, it's your turn. Let me know if you want to participate and I'll give you a topic and a blog to check out.

Also? Check out Tyla's blog.

P.S. I'd like to thank everyone who did not hesitate to help me beat a hater's ass on my last post. THANK YOU!!!

Monday, September 27, 2010

This is gonna be short but I HAVE LEARNED MY LESSON!!!

Yes, I have.

I've LEARNED my lesson!!!

You know sometimes when you're bored at work and you have no more blogs to read? Well, yes! I still do read blogs at work. I just go back and comment when I get home because as you know, Mutant and The Dev are now both in my shift, which makes it difficult for me not to work because I don't wanna get caught because if I do get caught, I don't know what would they do to me and just the thought of what actually might happen to me if they caught me gives me nightmares.

Well, not really.

Anyway, I was reading a blog friend's post and I noticed one of their new followers. Not in their comments section. But in their FOLLOWER THUMBNAILS.

Yes, I meant those SMALL pictures. Can you blame me?? He was eye catching. His little picture stood out!

Well, of course, what would a girl do? I clicked on the thumbnail to go to the blog and GUESS where it took me???

Of course, his blog. But what I saw on his blog is what really shocked me.

The dude's header is his NAKED, greasy self!

Honestly, it wasn't the obvious chronic narcissism that bothered me about this.

And it wasn't the fact that it was an NSFW picture, either!

It was the fact that he kinda looked like HORATIO CAINE!!!

Nothing personal really but...

Fuck my life!

Monday, September 20, 2010

This is not a porn site but... Okay! What the hell, right?

From experience, I know how disappointing it is when Google leads you to the wrong site every time you search for something very important such as:

I know the feeling.

And because of that, I have come up with an IDEA so that you, who Google random stuff and end up on my blog, won't be disappointed.

Because I don't want anyone to get disappointed.

Also, because it's almost Christmas, I'll give you what you want. Whatever it is you're looking for, you'll find it here.

But first of all, those who have been Googling these:
You are in the right place.

So here we go with the rest:


Judging by these keywords, I think you want some solution to your relationship problems. And because I'm not violent AT ALL, this is what I've come up with:

Whatever problem you have with your partner, whether he is forgetful or you're just PMS-ing, this is the best, non-violent revenge solution I can give you.


Now, judging by these keywords, I think you're looking for a porn site so I decided to give you a male porn star/director. He looks creepy so I think he's what you're looking for.

I hope you're not disappointed to see that black bar. It's super necessary because his pants are so disgustingly tight and I don't want you to lose your appetite.

Plus, a little mystery won't hurt anyone.


This, I think, is the weirdest keyword of all. Not only are you Googling for a whore when you can just find one anywhere, but also, you prefer an edentulous one.

You have weird tastes. But to each his own. Who am I to judge?

So here she is:

You're welcome.