*UPDATED!!!* Non-Violent Ways To Get Back At Someone

Even though we are all a bunch of nice, sweet, and innocent people (just say yes or I'll punch you right now), there are still some people who can't help but be mean to us. But because of our piss peace-loving nature, we don't want violence.

Guess what?

I have thought of some unique, non-violent ways of getting back at those assholes mean people.

But first of all, when you're planning something, avoid smiling like this:

You're gonna be too obvious. Instead, practice smiling like this:

See? She's holding a weapon but because she's smiling so innocently, you would think it's a present.

So, ALWAYS remember to smile like that.

Anyway, here are my suggestions:

1. If Mean Person is a housemate.

The Plan:

Wake up at around 3 a.m. Make sure Mean Person is sleeping so you can sneak into their room. Before you go inside the said room, get a pinch of sugar. Note that I said sugar because it's sweet and fine. Go inside their room and sprinkle the sugar in their ears and quietly step out of the room and go back to sleep. In the morning, you will notice Mean Person's ears are all red and itchy. It means The Plan has worked. The ants are inside Mean Person's ears. Smile THE smile.

2. If Mean Person is a know-it-all classmate who always negates other people's efforts and suggestions.

The Plan:

When you have a group project at school, make sure your meeting takes place in your backyard and make everyone sit on the grass or on a rock. Provide unlimited supply of drinks. Group meetings always take a long time especially with a person like that so it's pretty obvious that with all the drinks and shit, Mean Person is gonna go to the bathroom to pee. This is your opportunity. Grab one of the huge rocks and put it inside Mean Person's book bag. When they come back, smile THE smile.

3. If Mean Person is simply unbearable, self-centered, self-obsessed (and everything that starts with self),  cocky, immature, bitch, who always thinks about what other people think of them... Well-- in one word, unbearable. But I said that already.

So Mean Person wants to hang out the coming weekend.

The Plan:

Say yes. Do not make some silly excuse on why you can't make it. Things like that don't work because they can always reschedule. Just say yes and do not take a shower the whole week. Do not even use deodorant. Remember, Mean Person always cares about what other people think of them so you need to do something over the top that they wouldn't want to hang out with you again.

Dress up like a stinky hooker. Use onion extract as body spray if you need to. Just make sure you stink.

Also, make sure they arrive at your meeting place first.

And show up like this:

Suzy Johnson's pictures found here.

UPDATE: Okay. This is a OBVIOUSLY a satire and not supposed to be taken seriously.

♥