Sunday, December 25, 2011

*UPDATED!!!* (Now with pictures) Drunken Post - Christmas Edition

I can't think of a more appropriate title. Sooo yeah.

I don't know but it seems like the 2011 has been more of an asshole than 2010. At least for me. Don't judge. Yeah. Could' you not wdo that please?

Okay. Gotta adimt, there's really not much to talk about right now. I think I should just describe what's happening around me right now.

It's dark.

I'ts 3:51 a.m.

My mom's snoring. I can totally hear it. SHUT IT MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!

OKay. I don't think tthis is going nowhere. This is pretty much just a waste of blogging space.

I hate it when people mispronounce my name. Or when they decide what name suits you best and start calling you that. Like Janet. I AM NOT JANET!!!

The fuck?

Wait. You know whatt? I'm gonna rant.

At the beginning of the year, I was like this:

Yeah. I can't get my drawing right but that's pretty much the thought.
But it turned out that 2011 is more of an asshole than 2010.

So here's to you, 2011:

Okay. So I drew something where I'm flipping 2011 off and welcoming (threatening) 2012 but Blogger is being an ass and won't uploa it.

2011 has been such a sucky year!!! I went through all the -lessnesses and such. So yeah.

If 2012 isn't nice, I'll introduce it to this guy over here:

Wait. I forgot I can't upload. Dammit.


Nope. it won't uploda.

Maybe I'll update this post tomorrow and upload the pictures.

I love you.

So how about resolutions? Have any?

I don't. I don't even have a bucket list.

But I decided to list a few right now. Things that are easier to accomplish. Because wishing for the ipmossible will only make you dissapointed. Also, I don't watn to pressure myself. So yeah.

So here it is.

1. Type this. - Check.
2. Pause to think what to write next. - CHeck.
3. Have an honest, deep conversation with someone.
4. Yawn five times in a row. - Check.
5. Pretend not to give a fuck. - Check.
6. Kill the red ant that's sexually molesting my back. - Check.
7. Get a new job.
8. Pause again to think what to write for numebr 8. - Check.
9. Chill the fuck out.
10. Think of the 10th item on my list - Check.

So there you go! I thiink I'm doing great. So far, I've accomplished 7 out of 10! Hell yeah, mother fuckres!!!



So I'm just posting the pictures. The pictures that won't "uploda".

Nope, I'm not gonna edit the typos and other spelling errors. Ha!

This is me flipping 2011 off. And yes, I thought I had to explain my drawings. Hey, I was drunk!

This is me welcoming/threatening 2012.
So apparently, I threatened 2012 that he will be introduced to Apocalypse if he decides to suck.
Wow, I just did that? Dayum!

Sunday, December 18, 2011

And here I am, giving you a chance to turn your life into pure awesomeness. Kind of.

There comes a point in a person's life where they start to think about serious things like why they do certain things they don't understand. Like, you know, why they stay up at night and struggle waking up in the morning, why deciding whether to get out of the bed to pee or hold it in because the Internet is awesome is always a tough decision, or why people who post vague statuses on Facebook and Twitter to get attention annoy the fuck out of them...

Oh, it's just me?

Okay. Forget it. It's not really what I'm going to talk about anyway.

No, really. It wasn't. Move on.


I was spacing out at work (ahem) one night and a brilliant idea came to me!

I decided to give YOU a chance to make your lives more awesome.

I'm the nicest person you know, mofo.
Ooops! Who shot this picture?

Oh hey, I play fair!

1. If you're a vegetarian and eating meat makes you feel guilty:

I could help you feel less guilty about eating meat by putting pictures like this everywhere:

You may not be able to eat ANYTHING for a few days. Or months. Depending on how guilt works on you, you soulless bastard.

2. If you're addicted to sports and the Internet:

I could help you get over your addiction. I could use your computer all day without complaints. And I could change the TV channel to something more relevant and take the remote everywhere I go.

Or I could just hide it somewhere when I'm lazy. But that would only happen occasionally, so no need to worry about that.

Hey, it's like you have your own rehab facility nurse in your own home!

Your electricity bill might increase up to 100%.

3. If you're the type of person who couldn't stand doing nothing and gets bored easily:

I would never have you run out of things to do. Ever. That's a promise.

You could make me a sandwich, a lemonade, coffee, tea, bake me a cupcake, make me breakfast, lunch, and dinner, fix my bed, clean OUR room... Whatever you like!!! As long as they're delicious, the food I mean, (which I think they'd be - see? I have SO much faith in you) there's not gonna be a problem.

No cons. At all. Because you win in this situation. Not only will you get what you want, but also, this could help you stay physically fit, going back and forth to the kitchen and such.

Aw. Don't mention it.

Oh! Also, if you have A LOT of money and spending it is starting to become such a burden, you could give, like, HALF of it to me. I won't complain. It's like charity. You'll feel awesome.


Wow! Right? How can you say no to this? It's like adopting me would be the best decision you could ever make in your entire life!

Consider this my Christmas offer to you.

(For some reason, the font of this post is effed up. Sorry about that. Blogger keeps changing some of the paragraphs to Times. Damn, Blogger. What now?)