This is the season for gift giving. More often than not, thinking of a gift for every family member and friend is a difficult task.
But it is certainly more difficult to think of a gift for THAT FRIEND.
Yes. That friend you secretly hate. That friend who will conceivably expect a gift even if they know you don't like them that much.
I have a few suggestions. Of course, fuckers! When did I ever fail you? I have the solution to everything. What??
1. For that friend who always tries to please everyone, who alters their personality based on what they think a certain person would like, tries to get everyone's approval- but they always claim that they're being true to themselves.
Gift suggestion: A full-face white mask. And sleeping pills.
So the mask is too obvious. Like- "Yeah, yeah, a mask for their different personalities... blah-blah-blah.." Bite. Me.
Wait. But the pills? You're not gonna include it in the gift box where they could see it right away. It should be a surprise. When you can't bear the pretensions anymore, just slip a few pills into their drink and when they're asleep, you will not be annoyed anymore. And at least they got to rest. Pretending all the time must be tiring. It's for a good cause.
2. For that friend who
doesn't care how long you've been waiting for them because they had to change their outfit 10 times more than a normal person should is always late because of "traffic". (I know. I have issues with this friend. Shut. Up.)
Gift suggestion: Ball and chain.
Did you expect I would suggest you give them a watch? That is SO gradeschool! People who are always late do not look at the time! They don't care. Don't waste your money on gifts that they won't even use! The ball and chain would be perfect. You just attach it to their ankle and throw away the key. That way, they will never use the "traffic" excuse again and you will no longer feel like an idiot all the time. They are late because it's so hard to walk. Perfect!
3. For that friend who thinks they know everything and that their opinions are the only ones that should be heard and no one could ever argue because all of you are wrong and they are right.
Gift Suggestion: Pen and paper.
They should write a rule book. I mean, with a brain like that?
4. For that
So you ordered and paid for something and had it delivered to your work place and someone cold-bloodedly took it. While you're waiting for it. I know, sneaky. And shameless.
Gift Suggestion: A "movie poster" with them on it.
Yes, that last one just happened to me. Oh! She can have my cake and eat it too. No. Literally. She stole my cake. She can eat it.
And yes. It's the last suggestion for today. Who stops at #4? Me! I'm weird like that.
Do you have other friends that you secretly hate?
UPDATE ON OUR ON-LINE BLOGGER PARTY:
The martini and mudmask option won the poll. Tyla is currently working on the invitation. You can send me your pictures via Email, Twitter, or Facebook. We have 3 weeks to prepare. Let's consider this our New Year's Party.