You remember my hate texter? That crazy girl who has a foot for a boyfriend? Yes? So you wanna hear how it all started?
Okay then, bye!
Kidding. I'll tell you anyway.
This is an update. Sort of.
I'd like to share some of the texts she has sent me. Read them C-A-R-E-F-U-L-L-Y.
First, let's call her by the name Lisa*.
You can imagine her looking like this:
"Hey, had a nice time chatting with Jerry yesterday?"
- I ignored this text because I thought she sent it to me by mistake. And who the fuck was Jerry? At that time, I didn't know that foot-looking guy had a name. Wait. Let me correct that. Of course he had a name. He IS human! How could I forget little details like that! Okay. At that time, I didn't know the guy's name. There. Sounds better.
"What, Jeanette? (ohnoyoudidn'tjustcallmethat!) Did you two have a fun time? I'm actually glad that you are hitting it off. I like it when MY BOYFRIEND gets along with my friends."
- Now this made me realize that this girl - Lisa - is in fact, crazy. Because we are not friends! No, I'm just kidding. I realized she was crazy because I didn't even look at Foot Guy. Not even a GLANCE. And what's up with the MY BOYFRIEND in all caps?
"Nice pictures, huh."
- I was like, "What pictures?" This made me call our common friend. I asked her what Lisa's problem was. She said she'd ask. Then she called me back and told me that Lisa thought I was flirting with Foot Guy when I sang "Underneath Your Clothes" on karaoke (I know. Shut up.). And the GROUP pictures we didn't even know Foot Guy took made her hate me even more. Apparently, that song was HER song for HIM when their relationship was just starting (and I just threw up in my mouth). Damn! I should've asked for her permission first. My mistake!
And that made me decide to blog it.
So anyway, want more text messages from her?
"Are you stupid that you don't even know how to text?"
- Because I wasn't texting her back.
"I knew you were faking it when you said it was nice to see me again."
- Well, I did actually say that to her. But it was more like, "It's so nice of you to come," or something. I didn't want her to feel awkward because aside from Foot Guy and our common friend, I was the only person she knew at that party. But that was the only thing I said to her. I think.
Damn! These text messages sound less intense when translated to English! Oh well. I got more crazy texts from this Lisa girl but I've deleted them already. But it came to a point that I almost wanted to follow Ashley's advice: Next time she msgs you remind her that her boyfriends thinking about you when he's banging her!
Hmmm... I still think that this IS a good idea. And I know you're all gonna say, "That girl is crazy!" But honestly, I feel sorry for Lisa. She has issues. And she's young. Yes, she's like 19 or so. I actually want to give her a gift to let her know that I'm a NICE person. And she has stopped texting me so I don't need to, you know, get back on her. That's like CHILDISH. (Right.)
Now, I need you guys to help me pick out a gift for her. Lisa is slender and maybe 3 inches taller than me. I think this jacket would look good on her:
A straitjacket. What do you guys think?
*REAL NAME! Hahaha! (so much for the "no need to get back at her.")
I just need to do this.
I'd like to say thanks to Andhari! You really, really surprised me, I got nauseous! No. Just kidding. But THANK YOU!
And to the two others who voted - *whispers* your checks will arrive tomorrow. Shhh...