Friday, March 5, 2010

i have PMS and a sharp knife. got something to say?

So I talked to a guy friend yesterday over the phone and he suggested I should elaborate on the PMS thing.

Me: What? I don't have to. It's self-explanatory as I said.

Guy Friend: No it's not.

Me: ..........

Guy Friend: Plus it makes a cute post.

Me: Don't tell me about cute posts. You're just stupid that's why you didn't get it.

Guy Friend: ... Is that PMS?

Me: Yes!

Guy Friend: See? You have to make us see the difference between you with PMS and you without PMS.

Me: (thinking this might be a good idea) If I don't get hits from this, I'm gonna run you over.

Guy Friend: You can't even drive.

Me: All the more reason to be afraid.

Guy Friend: Well, (I can feel him mocking me here, like he's smiling when he said this) I noticed that you don't get much comments when you talk about how you feel. Just keep on making fun of other people. Make fun of Taylor Swift. Or that Justin child. What's his name?

Well, our conversation did not end there but that's all I'm gonna share. Let's just say he's wheelchair bound now. So, as requested by my ex-dear friend, here are my possible responses to certain situations with and without PMS.

*Situations that happened/happens IRL.
*Situations suggested by Guy Friend.


Situation #1: When it's Monday.
Me without PMS: I have to sleep this afternoon. I have work tonight.
Me with PMS:  "I don't wanna go to work. I'm lazy."


Situation #2: When a person tries to be funny by deliberately sneezing loudly.
Me without PMS: I'd ignore the person. Or maybe even smile at him. I'm such an angel.
Me with PMS: I'd give the person a sharp stare until he gets so scared that he'd jump off the building.


Okay. I said cold sharp. Not creepy.


Situation #3: When talking to my annoying, probably mutant, supervisor:
Me without PMS: I would politely answer, "Okay," or "I don't think it's possible."
Me with PMS: *annoyed and disgusted* (because mutant supervisor tries to be cute even though she's like 40 years old and I can't bear this when I'm PMS-ing).


Situation #4: When hearing a Taylor Swift Song:
Me without PMS: I would calmly turn off the source of the sound if possible (TV, radio, etc).
note: If the source of the horrible sound is human, this might be a problem.
Me with PMS: Physically assault the person who made me listen to THAT song.
note: The doctor is doing better now, don't worry.


Situation #5: When dealing with creeps:
Me without PMS: I'd politely say, "Sorry, but no." Or "I'm busy." Or do the Robert Scheme if necessary.
Me with PMS: "Get... The... Fuck... Out... OF MY LIFE, OKAY?????"


Situation #6: When the weather is unbearably hot:
Me without PMS: I would just drink ice-cold water and/or take a bath multiple times a day. Or go to the mall where there's free air conditioning.
Me with PMS: "GOT A PROBLEM WITH ME, SUN??? Come down here and make my day! What are you waiting for? Wuss!"




Pictures of...
me without PMS:


me with PMS:


9 comments:

  1. Picking fights with the sun? Remind me not to get on your bad side.

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  2. Wow. You are a very scary bish when you're PMSing... and I kind of feel sorry for Guy Friend. I hope you didn't injure him too bad. Or if you did, at least it was due to a very serious problem... :)

    And, you know, it's weird, like, this is me on and off PMS:

    When seeing a cute guy walk by---
    Me Without PMS: "Huh. Not bad. He's cute."

    Me With PMS: "OH MY GOD HE IS THE HOTTEST GUY EVER!" *happyhappyhappyhappyhappyhappy*

    And it just continues from there.

    I get really hyper. Is that normal?

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  3. I love this. Also, referring to bosses as mutants is a favorite past time of mine.
    Loving the blog! Nice to have a good chuckle, and I am SUCH a bitch when I'm PMSing (so I can relate) :)

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  4. Haha K sorry, but you're just cute when you're mad (not in a trying to hit on you way cuz that would be weird lmao). If you were to get mad at me like that in person I would probably burst out laughing.

    How's wheelchair boy doing? ;P

    Although I don't have PMS to any medical diagnoses standpoint, I do find myself definitely more irritable and prone to tears during that time. Nothing that people really notice all that much except for my mum lol.

    And for the record, I do read all of your posts, whether they're funny or not, which you already know because that's how we friend-ed each other :)
    xo

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  5. Haha! Oh this made me laugh! It reminds me of the King of the Hill episode where Connie starts her period.
    "OH GOD! i ONLY HAVE FIVE BUCKS! CAN I BORROW TWO STUPID DOLLARS!!?? WAAAAAAHHHH!!!'"

    <3

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  6. ANOTHER DAVID: Okay. Don't get on my bad side. lol

    CONNIE: Thanks! I guess I'm fierce when I'm making fun of myself! Haha!

    CHRISTINA: Guy friend's left leg is still functional. But I'm thinking about cutting off all his left toes. You know, for fun?

    RYAN: My boss is really a mutant. It's true. Believe me!!! lol

    AMANDA: Yes of course I know that. ;D

    Wheelchair boy is still wheelchair bound.

    THEPICKETYWITCH: Thank you. I'm glad I made you laugh. ;D

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  7. At least you know you are different with PMS. I always think I am the same and then I notice that I am being especially witchy and my husband remind why that is. Funny post!

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