Sunday, July 18, 2010

You Wouldn't Like Me When I'm Hungry. Also, A Warning

Do you experience those times when you are craving for a certain food but you can't figure out what it is? Like, you tried eating cake but still, you're not satisfied so you'll buy ice cream and eat it but still, you're not satisfied? Like your taste buds are looking for something else?

No? (Liar!)

Well, that happens to me a lot.

Yesterday was a bit different though. I knew what I was craving. I was craving French fries. It was so impossible to ignore. Like, I would KILL for fries!!!

No, I'm not knocked up, asshole. PMS does this too! 

So anyway, after HOURS of trying to decide whether I should give in or not, I finally called a certain fast food chain to order. I'm lazy like that. And since I'm such a nice daughter and sister, I ordered for everyone at home. But you know how annoying customer service hotlines are. They ask a lot of questions. And they speak so fast! And I was hungry. So I was like: "Wait. I'm sorry?"

And they were all: "Thedeliverywillarrivein30minutesafterwesetthephonedownanditisnow2:00soyourorderwillarrive at2:30isitokay?"

So I said, yes. (By yes, I meant yes, it's okay. Prepare my order already. I can't wait for the fries.)

Then, after 15 agonizing minutes, one person from the fast food chain called and told me that the burger my sister wanted was not available. So I changed it.

Just give me the fries please.

And again, "Thedeliverywillarrivein30minutesafterwesetthephonedownanditisnow2:15soyourorderwillarrive at2:45isitokay?"


They said sorry. But fuck!!! The food arrived at 2:50!!!

They cannot fool people like this. They just can't. They don't want to see me angry!!! I took a very serious quiz at The Oatmeal months ago and according to the results, I could take 21 Biebers in a fight!!!

I'm that dangerous when hungry angry!!!

Now you know!

Anyway, regarding my plan to rule the world, consider this a warning to those who are still doubtful. (Yes, I'm talking about you, Wolf, Max Evel, and Dr. Heckle!!!)

CB and I will totally put you in a torture chamber where you will be forced to listen to the most horrible songs in the history sang by a person of indeterminate gender The Bieb!

This is what will happen to Dr. Heckle and Wolf if they continue to try to discourage and/or stop CB and me.

If the fire doesn't scare you, I suppose, that one in the middle will.

Did you notice that Max Evel is not in the fire dungeon? Of course, I wouldn't put him there. He would enjoy it. It would be like a vacation for him. Fire is his thing!

So I made a special torture chamber just for him. A room made of ice.

How do you like your future rooms, guys?

And Max, if you're looking for your tail, I cut it and sold it on Craigslist.

Also, I would like you to take that quiz about Bieber. Just so I could find out who I can hire.


  1. Hahaha! That's is why i didn't dare make you angry Gnetch. Wouldn't wanna die like a barbecue or be frozen forever...hmmm wait i think i do want to if Edward will do it for me hahaha!

    Where's the brain i ordered?

  2. According to that quiz, I can take 26 biebs.

    I would also like french fries right fucking now. Thanks for putting that idea in my head.

  3. Oh my and fuck me! Why didn't I think of two separate rooms for our prisoners!!!!

    Great idea bitch. Now... what shall we do with the teen whores that LIKE Beiber the douche???

    This must be resolved immediately!

    While Wolf totally wants to do me, and Max begs me to touch his tail... I can DEFINITELY use my feminine wiles to lure them into the tomb of death...

    Heckle, I'm not so sure about. You must take care of him!

  4. OH and I do believe we are ALL ragging... I just ate 3 cherry mashes and drank a 20oz bottle of coke... In ten minutes.


  5. I really would like to take the test and see if you can hire me. poor justin..i think everyone dislikes him. and with everyone, I mean those with sound and sane mind. I still don't get it why some girls are crazy about him.

  6. Gnetch , I found my tail,and by the way.
    It was in your butt !
    The one thing you should always know about me Gnetch.
    My tail is detachable ... it's a escape mechanism.
    I can grow them back quickly.
    Oh look,
    It's that Bieber Kid !
    I am going to sing .

    My life is hell already ... do you
    really believe The Bieber can
    make it any worse on me ??

    What's up with that punks hair ?

    As for CB... I never beg, and
    I know she wants to touch it !
    Just the tip baby !

  7. i am your slave master...... i am ur side...

  8. Haha.. you're hilarious. :D But I gotta tell you, I did the test and I could take 35 Justin Biebers in a fight. Yay! So in case we fight for French fries, be careful who you're fighting with xD

  9. Mitch: Haha. The brain you ordered? You'll get it soon. :D

    Faux: Whoa, 26?? You're hired!! Also, that's the purpose of this post. To get you all craving for fries!

    CB: I just thought Max is used to fire so I placed him in the other room. I'll think of something for the tweens. They make me crazy! You should start luring Max and Wolf! That should be easy. *whispers* About Heckle, I think it'll be a piece of cake. I will just tell him that I have some pictures for him to post on his blog and I will give him a map so he could find them. The map will lead him to the dungeon. When he gets inside it, we close the door!! Brilliant!

    Jan: I don't get it either. Why haven't you taken the test??? :D

    Max Evel: You can grow your tail back? So you're a lizard? Wow dude! You said you were Evel and now you're claiming you're a lizard! Make up your fucking mind!

    Oh, and try to sing a Bieber song. Your image will be ruined forever.

    Ratzy: Aw, my Ratzy!!! I knew I could count on you!

    Nino: 35??? Wow! That's awesome. You're hired. You're gonna be the Torture Chamber Master! Do you accept?

  10. It's all magical Baby ...
    It's all magical !

  11. I accept anything, Gnetchy ;)

  12. I could fuck up 32 Justin B's,
    and you only have 21 !
    Once again, I win !

  13. I can take 32, and I will happily do so. That girl-boy is a pox on our planet! EXTERMINATE!

  14. I can take 26, don't worry, I'll protect you!

  15. 21 that's it I can take 35. You forget Gnetch that I'm ex-army and have been married this means that I'm pretty much immune to constant nagging, bitching, pms, or any other annoying shit you can throw at me.

    You can put me in a torture chamber all you want, but that kind of stuff just gets me excited.


  16. I love it! I'm dancing. Now I want fries. Nice hot fries. Fries with legs to march into my mouth. Mmm fries. Your blog rocks!

  17. Took the test but it didn't have the answers I would have chosen so,....I do however, make really good warrior drinks so consider me for the job. I can also keep you supplied with fuck-me heels, furs and leather. I am down to one whip and one set of handcuffs but would also donate them to the cause. I must insist you allow me to keep my Smith & Wesson 38 special as a means to protect the both of you bitches, not that you would need protecting. Sorry,...forgive me. Don't hurt me. I beg you.

  18. Took the test but it didn't have the answers I would have chosen so,....I do however, make really good warrior drinks so consider me for the job. I can also keep you supplied with fuck-me heels, furs and leather. I am down to one whip and one set of handcuffs but would also donate them to the cause. I must insist you allow me to keep my Smith & Wesson 38 special as a means to protect the both of you bitches, not that you would need protecting. Sorry,...forgive me. Don't hurt me. I beg you.

  19. Max: No magic will do the trick for us. Magic is just plain illusion. Mwahahahaha. And even if you add your 32 to Wolfy's 35 Biebers, it won't beat my 21 if I add it to my minions total scores.

    Nino: Good. I'm appointing you as the Torture Chamber Master.

    Sami: Yes! EXTERMINATE!!! 32 is awesome. We're gonna win.

    Richard: Good. I will think of a title for you.

    Wolfy: As I have told Max, you can add up your scores but it will be nothing compared to OUR SCORES!!! So be prepared for your doom!!!

    Funky: Fries are awesome!! Haha. Thank you.

    Middle Child: Don't worry. I don't hold grudge. Give me those fuck-me heels, furs and leathers because we need to still be HOT even if we're fighting with those three fuckers. And I allow you to keep your gun as long as you color it pink.

  20. Adding up scores........I don't want my score to get germs on it. No I'm afraid I'm a solo act.

  21. I ADORE the Oatmeal :)

  22. I think I know that fast food chain you're talking about! I know the feeling, like when you're so hungry but the effin' operator asks so many questions and confirming your order and then would repeat the same questions again and again! After that your food will arrive after 45 minutes but that's not true,,,,,you have to wait till your dying of hunger.....!

    I will take the quiz and see if you could hire me! I;ll leave another comment!!!

    BTW....hate that song!!! I hear it everywhere!!!

  23. So I can take 20, which is pretty poor.

    But I'm willing to learn.

  24. Gnetch ... your meanness is SOOOO CUTE !

    I just love to hear you growl.
    I think I'll keep you .

  25. Wolf: Ha! Good luck, El Presidente.

    Em: He's funny. :)

    Sey: Yup yup. You might be correct. And how many Biebers can you take on again?

    Cuz: It's okay. It means were totally cousins because I could only take 21. (Which actually means we're just trying to save our energy for bigger battles that are yet to come).

    Max: Ha! Is that a mocking tone, Maxy?

  26. oh i wasn't able to take the quiz last time coz i was preparing myself and making sure that i'll be in. and see i can take 28 biebers. i think that's pretty awesome hahaha!

  27. I too could take 21 Biebers in a fight! It is on Bieber! Oh and I am a crazy bitch when I am hungry.

  28. Hey hey hey, now you're taking people away from my Swarm of Biebers Cooperative Organized Protection (SOB COPs). Yeah, I just thought of that name... it's a work in progress.

  29. HAHA! How did I get lumped into being against your world domination? I thought I was helping you by giving you a list of things you needed...

    Every dictator in history has had a mullet and acid wash jeans. That's just a FACT.

    Gnetch, I'm starting to think you protest too much about Bieber... A secret crush of yours perhaps? ;)

  30. It mainly happens on my period. And it's always for chocolate, and yes, I always know what it is i want!

  31. Jan: That's good! You're hired.

    Random: Don't worry. 21 is good enough *ahem*. You're hired!!!

    David: I was looking for your Official anti-Bieber Badge and I couldn't find it!!! I was going to post it here. Where did you put it??

    Also, don't you think it's a good idea if your SOB COPs merge with me and CB? I mean, we obviously have the same goal!

    Dr. Heckle: Well, the things you listed are too difficult to obtain so we took it as DISCOURAGEMENT!!!

    Oh no you didn't!!! Do you seriously want to be in the torture chamber? But seriously, to answer your question with all honesty, I just love hate tweets from Bieber's fans. They are sending me lots of death threats, which, I think, are kinda exciting.

    Sadako: Oh. I wish I always know what I want.

  32. Well, when all you want is chocolate, that can get to be a problem in and of itself...:D

  33. So I started reading your post...And saw the magic word:Ice cream.
    Just to find out my bro had just eaten my Ben&Jerry's pint.
    It was miiiiiiiine!
    And then I continued reading your post and -haaaaaa revenge!
    Baby baby baby OOOOOOOOOOOH
    I have quite an irritating squeaky voice at times. When someone's messing with my food is one of these times :p

  34. Don't come between a girl and her fries!!!! Especially during that time of the month :)

  35. I love the Oatmeal! I took that quiz a couple weeks ago and got 34. I'd probably score even higher now because I'm becoming steadily more enraged at preteens with each passing second.

  36. Scary! hahahaha. I don't know what it is lately but I've been craving for anything and everything. And I've been really wanting to grub at buffets. That is going to really make me fat. Grrr

  37. I can take 19 Biebers in a fight, but my 10 yr old son needed to take the quiz (after he was being nosy and saw what I was doing) and he can take on 27.

  38. I might just not say anything! I'm sooo late and I hate it. I have reader and dashboard and I'm beginning to think someone is depriving me to read your posts early. Really. Or this is the result of me being gone for sometime? But why? (Oh never mind me.)

    That fire dungeon is scary as hell. Oh, it IS hell haha!

  39. Oh my God! I laughed so hard I might need to go check my stitches. Lmao. Funny stuff. That's probably the worst kind of Hell imaginable. Anyway, I totally took that quiz. It said I could take 19. I question that number. It diminishes my badassishness.

  40. Sadako: Haha. That's correct.

    Ria: Haha! I always get revenge when someone eats my food!!!

    Jill: You know what, that's so correct!!!

    Kell: Yes. The Oatmeal is awesome! And 34 is a high score. Do you want to join us in taking over the world?

    Mel: I e-mailed you. (Which you probably have seen already). Haha. :)

    Jennifer Juniper: Whoa. So the two of you can take on 46 Biebers!!! Way to go. We're going to win!!

    I'm No Miss: I wonder why I don't update on your dashboard or reader. :(

    Christina: Ha! Thanks. 19 is fine. Our scores will be added.

  41. Guess who can take 35 Biebers in a fight despite the fact that she's in a wheelchair? Me! I may have lied a teensy bit on some of my answers, but I do know karate.