Wednesday, May 15, 2013

How to Control Your Rage

There are certain situations in life that cause us to be so angry and sometimes, it’s hard to control.
Close your eyes and try to remember that situation.

Wait. Okay. Not that angry.

I know, certain situations or things people do or say can fill us with so much rage.

Like what I said in my How To Deal With Negative Feelings post, try to think of an outlet.

No, wait. Don’t look at that person. I know I used to say punching a random person in the face helps but I’ve changed. That opinion doesn’t matter anymore.

When I say “outlet”, I didn’t mean punch someone. That would be painful. Not to the person you punched but to you. Your knuckles. I mean, yeah, their face would hurt, too, but who cares?

So… outlet.

1. Think happy thoughts.

Like when Kanye West interrupted Taylor Swift’s speech.

Or when Sacha Baron Cohen as The Dictator "accidentally" poured Kim Jong Il's urn all over Ryan Seacrest’s clothes at the red carpet.

I know. HAHA. That shit was funny.

2. Sing. And dance, too, if you can.

For example:

I don't know but this should be a dance craze.
Look very closely. Observe her facial expression. Do you see it? She looks pretty pissed off in the beginning BUT she danced the rage that's building inside of her away. You'll notice that it's working on her.

3. Find a hobby.

When you start feeling that heaviness in the chest and you feel like you’re about to explode or turn into The Incredible Hulk, do that hobby and focus on it. Draw. Shave someone’s head. Twerk. Whatever! Anything just to turn you back into the peace-loving, delicate butterfly that you know you are.

A few minutes later...

See how it works?

4. Write it down.

You can write it in a letter. It's your choice whether you want to send the letter or not. Or write it anywhere. Like your neighbor's car.  What's important is you let it out of your system. Remember, be gentle. CONTROL. YOUR. RAGE. Keep the friendly vibe in your writing.

5. Tell the person exactly what you’re thinking or feeling.

Out of all the things mentioned above, saying what you feel works the best. But remember, when you do this, try not to sound too angry, even when you’re almost in a murderous rage. We're talking about self-control here. Smile. Smile at that basic bitch while saying what you feel.

In other news, it's going to be my birthday next month. Remember what we did last year? The "Challenge Gnetch" Challenge? Want to do it again? Then E-mail me (or message me on Facebook or send me a DM on Twitter... whatever) your challenges and if they're good, I'll make another video, just like I did last year. Remember, don't post the challenges in the comments.

I'm such a pushover sometimes.

Last year's video is private now. HAHA.


I don't have time to make a video so ignore the last part. Sorry. I fail at life. I know.

Monday, March 18, 2013

Why Cutting Onions Makes You Cry: The Truth Behind the Bullshit

People come up with a lot of ridiculous "facts" about why cutting onions makes your eyes water or why it makes people cry. They make up these ridiculous scientific reasons like amino acid sulfoxides form sulfenic acids and blah blah blah and sulfuric acid and shit. Psh. Come on!

Here's the REAL truth.

Cutting onions makes us cry to make revenge.

For killing them.
It's an onion, guys. Get over it.

That sulfuric acid thing that our Science teachers told us about back in school? It is actually the onion's [are you ready for this?] ghost. And that ghost comes out when you cut the onion.

And it whispers mean things to you and only you can hear them.

Whether those things are true or not, they can cause you so much anguish and pain. Notice how you become an emotional wreck right after cutting an onion? Well you can TRY to convince yourself that your eyes are just irritated but you know that's not true.

It doesn't even need Melinda Gordon to send you a message. It can talk to you WITHOUT her help.

Pretty badass, huh?

An onion ghost can make you feel stupid.

It has the ability to re-open wounds that you thought are healed.
Only you would know if this is true or not but still... Right?

It can make you feel bad about yourself by mentioning some of your insecurities.
The person who drew this must be lazy. Oops?

Make fun of your favorite celebrity.
Seriously though.

It knows everything about you and will remind you of the ones that you are too ashamed to remember.
At least it didn't say "Nick Carter phase".


Onion ghosts are heartless. HEARTLESS!

Well, that was harsh.


That, my friends, is the reason why cutting onions makes us cry. Facts straight from me. No scientific bullshit.

Believe me, I know. Because I cook.

Now, for some deep thoughts: Have you ever wondered how many onion ghosts are wandering around your house right now? Watching you? Laughing at you? Peeking at you in the shower? Waiting for their chance to get revenge for their death?

How many onions did you cut today? Are you scared now?


I just want to say Google sucks for killing Google Reader. I have transferred all my feeds to Feedly but it is still confusing to me.

So... guys. If you want some alternatives on how to better stalk me without Reader, look at my sidebar. The options are there. There's E-mail subscription, Twitter, Facebook page, Bloglovin, etc.


But I'm still not over the fact that Google is killing Reader, and it's not even gone yet. Is blogging really dead? Fucking Google. Murderer.