Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Totally effective ways to make the person you like notice you.

So here's the thing. You like someone but you don't know whether they like you too or not. And you don't know if they even know you exist! Everyone goes through this at some point, whether you're a guy or a girl. So it's nothing to be embarrassed about. Because you know what? It's normal for peo-- COZ BABY YOU'RE A FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIREWOOOORKK! COME ON SHOW 'EM WHAAAAAAATT YOU'RE WOOOOOORTHHH!!! MAKE ME GO UH-UH-O-

Sorry. I just randomly breakout into a song sometimes.

Sorry about that.

Okay. So where was I?

Oh yeah, the tips! Yeah. This is applicable to males and females who are creepily secretly crushing on someone.


1. Be catchy.
Yes. All the time. Even if you're just gonna go to your friend's house next door. Wear sexy, borderline Gaga clothes, clothes that are too tight that it would drain the color off your face. I know, I know it's gonna be hard. Wearing clothes that are 10 sizes too small takes some getting used to, but you have to sacrifice! You need to get his attention.

Also, don't forget to wear perfumes. Yes, PERFUMES. A different scent on every part of your body would be awesome. It's like, you just have to walk by and he will surely take a look.
To the guys, you can wear something tight too. Show some chest hair. No, actually, don't. Just wear tight clothes. Maybe like a pair of tight red leather pants. Cool, right?

2. Use the subtle threat.
This may be really REALLY scary to the person you're attracted to. So make sure you're still sweet and friendly to them. Make them some coffee. Or tea. Whichever they prefer. Just so they don't think they are being abducted and/or are in danger.

Yes, this is recycled drawing. Got beef? :)

3. Smile. 
All the time. Stop that I'm-too-cool-to-smile attitude. Trust me. It. Doesn't Work. No, really! You should smile no matter what you're going through.

4. Be everywhere. 
Always be around. In the hallways, in the parking lot... It would be super easy to know where they are if they're the kind of person who posts their location on Facebook and Twitter. If they are in the mall, GO TO THE fucking MALL! Just make sure they see you. By doing this, you'll make them believe that you're always on their mind.

Be behind the bathroom mirror if you need to.

5. Show you care. 
Talk to them. If you're too shy, a text message would do. Don't hesitate. But avoid, I repeat, AVOID, sounding desperate on your text. Don't say, "Hey I really really really really need to see you. I'll die if I don't see you because, blah-blah-blah..." Also, those cheesy pickup lines? Girls don't fall for that anymore. Be cool. Send them things like, "Hey. Not that I'm videotaping your every move but I noticed you're out of beer. Check your fridge."

Not creepy. At. All.

Or you can try something sweeter like, "Hey. You're wearing your Friday underwear. It's only Thursday. FYI."

That is if they're the kind of person that wears "scheduled" undies.

Also, adding a smiling emoticon on your text message would be nice. Just don't use the winky with tongue hanging out emoticon. It would sound weird.

I know you see my point.

So there you go. These tips will surely make them notice you.

I just said notice, okay? Don't blame me for the restraining orders you sure are about to get.

At least they noticed you, right?

You're welcome.

Guys, some of you may have noticed that no one can comment on my pages anymore and the old ones that were published are gone. I don't know what happened but I'm so gonna punch Blogger for this.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

This post was supposed to go nowhere. And then it went nowhere! Win.

I swear I've been trying to write a blog post since last week and I can't come up with anything! ANYTHING!!!!!! I mean, until now.

Writer's block.

Happens. A. Lot.

And it's annoying because there are times that you *know* you need to write something and you think you have this BRILLIANT idea but when you're in front of the computer, you just don't know how to start so you'll think and think and think and think but then your brain will just be so fucking mean and delete the idea that you've thought of just a while ago!

I know you all know what I'm going through.


This is when you feel that you need to write something but no matter what you do, you just don't know what to write.

2.  PANIC.
This is when you start getting tweets and emails asking if you're dead and people start unfollowing because they think you're really dead even if you tell them you're not because they think it's your ghost that's tweeting/emailing them back!

The part when you start thinking: "Am I really dead? My brain is not working. Should I start putting my brain in a blender and try to get the juice out?"

The part when you just can't think of anything. Like, ANYTHING...


We all go through these stages, right?


So it's just me then?



So anyway, I'm at the 5th stage right now.

When I'm at the 5th stage, my creativity flows like a badass blogger!

And since I care, I'm gonna share a few topic sentences with you because I know you want one. I'm so generous, I know. My mom really raised me well.
  1. It's so hot that my sweat started sweating sweat like- Oooohhh... I'm gonna steal that dog! It's so cute!
  2. I have a boyfriend/girlfriend and my socks are dirty.
  3. Ants love me. Oh my god, where's my wallet?
  4. Now watching [insert TV show here] because I just pooped and now I've ran out of things to do.
  5. It's dark inside the cinema. OH-EM-GEEEEE... I'M HUNGRY!!!!!!!
You can totally establish connection with your readers with these brilliant topics. They are relatable, inspiring, deep, and somewhat emotional. Also sexy, if you really think about it. These will totally make your blogs shine!!!

You're welcome.

So what are you waiting for? Aren't you excited? Write now! Don't let your readers wait.