Sunday, May 16, 2010

Why Are You Getting All So Wedding-y?

I just noticed that this past week, most blogs I've been following have discussed the "W" word.

Then I realized, yeah, it's almost June (fuck you, June! You'll make me another year older). Wedding month!

So that's probably the reason why you guys have been all wedding-y!

And since you're all so wedding-y, I decided to make you a list of the most awesome wedding songs that, as far as I know, have not been used in ANY weddings. Of course, since I know that wedding songs have to be somehow related to your love story, I will also provide you a few love stories that may possibly be YOUR love story. So if you're planning to get married sometime soon, this is your lucky day!!

But wait. I will only choose a few lines from each song to fit your supposed love story better.

Love story #1:
You and your partner met in elementary school and it was like magic. After more than 15 years of being together, you decided it was time to elope. Simply because you cannot live without each other. You're addicted to each other like a person is addicted to Ecstasy. You are possessive, your partner is possessive, but it is okay. You need each other. It's just like heaven.

Possible wedding singer: Celine Dion
Most appropriate wedding song for you: Get Down by the Backstreet Boys

*You know what to do guys. Click the images to enlarge.

They can even use the rap part for their honeymoon.
Bang, bang, bang!
Here we come, Here we slam!!!

See? That song is quite useful for weddings!

Love story #2:
You are a battered girlfriend and your boyfriend's name is Danny. You love him way too much despite the fact that he is an alcoholic. Danny loves to drink and go sing in karaoke bars. He gets too drunk sometimes that he knocks you down. What an ass. But you love him. So you forgive him every time and decide to marry him when he asked.

Possible wedding singer: Rihanna
Most appropriate wedding song: Tub Thumping by Chumbawamba

Love story #3:
You are a stalker. You fooled the person you're stalking by pretending to be a nice person and made her fall in love with you. Now, you two are getting married. Everything's going according to plan. You're feeling awesome. She makes you feel so hot. There's no way you can ever let her go. That's how obsessed you are with her.

Possible wedding singer: Billy Ray Cyrus
Most appropriate wedding song: Hot by Avril Lavigne

Have a fun wedding. You're welcome.


  1. I plan on getting married, I just don't have anyone to marry! LOL

  2. LOL! I can imagine Celine Dion doing the wo-oh ooohoh ohh-oohoh..


  3. reading this made me consider playing Jace Everett's Bad Thing for my wedding! Just a coincidence heheh..

    Have a great weekend Gnetch:)

  4. Gnetch, i must say you are really one wicked lady. How did you come up with those? But i do love to see them perform the songs you pick out for them hahaha! But i think Rihanna can handle it since she started singing "giddy giddy yup" in her latest single.

    Tell you what, i do plan to get married too in june, been planning for how many years now hahaha. It's just that i don't have anyone to marry too. :/ ooops!

  5. Excellent! I have no plans to walk down the aisle, but if I ever do it will be to the sound of Chumbawumba - perhaps sung by a church choir accompanied by a string quartet?

  6. Bwahahahaha... i enjoyed this.... I am so scared of the W- word.... So with you in this sistah.... hahaha

    Celine Dion.. would have been a classic with the Get Down....

  7. I was also going to ask the same question. I'll probably hate the sound of wedding bells until it's my turn to hahaha!

    And I can't imagine Celine Dion singing get down. I mean, will she be able to perform the dance number before she lands in the hospital? :)

  8. Oh my lord, Celine singing the BSB? Can we float a giant Titanic replica around in the background just for fun? That would make it EPIC!

    This post was hilarious. Maybe when I get married I'll have Michael Buble sing a Little John song... heehee... no one'll ever expect that!

  9. The sheer fact that you MENTIONED the backstreet boys in your blog makes me that much MORE in love with you ♥ MWAAHHHH!!!!

  10. God, WHERE the fuck were you when I got married bitch??

    What's the song for...

    Love Story #4:

    FUCK! You're pregnant! Weddings in 3 weeks and you look fat as hell.

    That was mine bitch! :/

  11. You realize you're only adding to the blogs that keep talking about weddings.

  12. Thanks for putting Monkey's button up bitch!

    I heart you skank!!!!

  13. This made me laugh out loud, especially the song choice for #2.

  14. Backstreet Boys for weddings would be the coolest thing ever!:D

  15. @Richard .. LOL!! go get one to marry then..

    @Gnetch.. U're brilliant! number 2 is awesome with the perfect wedding singer: Rihanna.. looooool =D

  16. OMG! This made my day! Too good! LMAO. I'll never invite Rihanna for my wedding! I hater her live singing. Plus, hubby might run away with her instead! LMAO.

  17. HAHAHA! Too funny. I don't want June to come babies turn 1 and 3. STAY AWAY JUNE!!

  18. LOL this is hilarious!
    A lot of blogs have become wedding blogs lately!!
    I don't plan on gettin married anytime soon :D
    It would be funny to hear Rihanna and Celine singin those songs

  19. Hilarious!! Absolutely hilarious!Although if Billy Ray Cyrus was my wedding singer I think I'd run out into oncoming traffic. Or take a running jump off a cliff. Whichever is closest.

  20. I always thought "She Bangs" would be an ideal wedding song.

  21. Ha--loved this. SO agree on She Bangs, Dr. Heckle.

  22. I officially hate everyone who has a totally awesome wedding since mine sucked ass... (read my anniversary post ;P)

    weddings suck... yes they do.

  23. @Richard: Haha. I guess you should start looking for a girl now.

    @I'm No Miss: Yes. I would love it especially on the "bang bang bang" part.

    @Zac: "I wanna do bad things with you. I wanna do real bad things with you." - That line from the song could cause divorce. LOL. Have a great WEEK!

    @Mitch: I don't know really how I came up with this. But it actually took me a long time making those visual aids.

    @TbR: Hahaha. That would be awesome. But people will think you're a battered boyfriend. Wait. Are you?

    @Ratz: I'm glad you enjoyed this. And yes, Celine Dion = Get Down, perfect!

    @Jan: I think Celine has insurance so it's okay to dance BSB-ish. :D

    @Sami: Thanks! Haha. Buble? That'd brilliant.

    @Tyla: I sooo heart you, girl!

    @Ashley: Haha. I think, as Dr. Heckle suggested, "She Bangs" would've been perfect. Especially if it was sang in tenor by Justin Bieber. Bitch! That would have been awesome. And about the button, you're welcome.

    @David: Yes. Actually. :)

    @Ashton: Yeah. She was knocked down and she got up again. Really perfect for her. LOL

    @Andhari: I was actually trying to come up with a good love story for their song "We've Got It Goin' On." :D

    @Tann: Thanks, girl! She was the first singer that came to mind.

    @Johana: Thanks! I don't like Rihanna too! LOL And if ever HL runs off with her, knock her down!

    @Mama Hauck: I'm really really really trying not to think that June is coming. Haha.

    @Jill: Totally, right?

    @Just B: Thanks a lot. I love you now! LOL And Billy Ray Cyrus singing an Avril song, I think, would make people react the same way.

    @Dr. Heckle: She Bangs would be awesome, but it should be sang in tenor by Justin Bieber. Though it might stunt his growth if he tries to sing in tenor. But he's not growing anyway. LOL

    @Sadako: Thanks!!!

    @Jenny: Wedding hater. LOL I don't know what I think about weddings. I don't even have a dream wedding. Yet.

  24. I've always wondered how I could appropriately throw in "Bicycle Race" by Queen into a wedding playlist.

  25. Nice songlist/scenarios! I am definitely tired of wedding season and it's only just starting (these days - I'm 25 - it seems to go year round!)

    Please visit me at Life: Forward (

  26. hahahaha
    I wanna walk down the aisle to eye of the tiger.

  27. Perfect, you did all the legwork for me! :P

  28. Hahaha, that's fucking awesome. At first I thought it was going to be all cheesy as fuck, and then you turned around, flipped it and reversed it on me. Awesome.

  29. how did u come up wid the idea of celion dion singing that
    thats soo funnily thoughtful ;-)

    and is june ur birthday month??? mine too mine too...yeyyyy

  30. WTF I never thought of Tubthumping that way. The rest of the CD is angry John Major-era British political songs, so I just assumed it was the party side of that.

  31. Leave it to Gnetch. Mooching off of other people's topics. Nice!

    As usual, you never cease to make me giggle.

    I think you should ave put Lindsay Lohan as a singer in there somwhere, though. And I'm so glad you didn't put, well, you know who up here.

    Thank you. :)

  32. hahaI LOVE your sense of humour lol.Get haven't heard that one in a while.I'm with Dr.Heckle...She bangs WOULD be pretty bangin'! :D!

  33. @Los Schoenys: It's perfect if, instead of riding in a bridal car, you come to you wedding in a bike. ♫ I want to ride my bicycle...

    @Shayna: Thanks for reading, Shayna.

    @Ryan: Haha! Good song. Perfect. Wait. What's your love story?

    @Suki: I'm glad.

    @Faux: I flip things around a lot. LOL

    @Meg: I just thought it would be awfully perfect for her. Yep, June is my birth month. Yay, when's your birthday?

    @Kate: I tried to interpret the song another way but the only thing that came to mind was Rihanna.

    @Christina: Mooching off. Heh.

    @Sweta: Ha, thank you. You make me feel so awesome every time you stop by!!! I thought She Bangs would be perfect too. That Heckie is a smart dude!

  34. I feel hit by this post! Lol, I'm not even engaged but have wedding on the brain! Feel free do suggest my song, as I'm stumped and it's on a the few pieces missing from my already fully planned wedding. Not engaged but everything decided, yes my name is Carina and I am a planaholic.

  35. This is effing hilarious! Celine Dion singing Get Down?! What a hoot! ;) Gonna get married soon, so the word "Wedding" on your sidebar definitely caught my attention.