Saturday, June 19, 2010

Another Great Idea For Lazy Students To Pass Math

Her blog: Summer 17


Math haters, I have good news!

So I know most of you guys are still students. Right? And I know, though some of you may love Math, a lot of you doesn't. Students hate it. I hated it when I was a student.

Anyway, as always, I have thought of ways to pass a Math exam without studying your brains out and ending up looking like this in the process:

You're welcome.

Anyway, here are the solutions.

1. Offer your teacher a massage.
Who doesn't want a massage? But remember, you should do this a few minutes before the exam. Or you would not have enough time. Now, the purpose of this is not to kiss your teacher's ass. You have more class than that! Instead, while massaging his back, keep your eye on his exam papers. Do not be too obvious though. Do not lean over. Just literally keep your eyes wide open so you will be able to see every formula and every solution on the paper placed on his desk.

2. Summon a friendly ghost.

The saying that some ghosts are harmless and friendly has GOT to be true! Or else, this one would be useless. This one should be done during the exam. While you're taking the exam, you ask the friendly ghost to go to your teacher's desk to look at the answer and then fly back to you to tell you what you need to know. Do not be too obvious. Do not nod or say thank you to the ghost. Just pretend you're just thinking and then write down what the ghost is telling you. This is seriously very effective unless your teacher can see dead people too.

I know you're going to ask, "What if *I* don't have a sixth sense?!"

It's not my problem, dumbass!

Well, you can try bumping your head really hard on the wall several times or stand in front of a running vehicle driven by a drunkard. They say trauma opens up the third eye. Well, that is if you do not die first.


Are you ready for the third and final awesome solution to pass a Math exam?

Here goes.

3. Call Edward Cullen.

Only foolish girls will fall in love with a vampire in real life. Everybody is afraid of vampires! Obviously, no one wants do die from exsanguination. Of course, who would want to die pale? I strongly believe that everyone prefers to die tan! Tan is sexy, according to many!


Make sure Edward stands by the window where the sun shines through. This way, he will SPARKLE!!! And your teacher will be more than shocked to see a vampire who sparkles, that he will accidentally throw the paper he's holding.

Grab this opportunity. Get that paper immediately. But remember to be sneaky.

Monday, June 14, 2010

I'm Drunk. I Can't Think of A Better Title. But I Have Sweet Blog Friends

So I said you can expect some drunk blogging, right? I know I did. So here it is. Though I don't think I'm that drunk at all. I'm just tipsy. Okay, okay. Let me warn you, I really have no idea what to discuss. What the fucrk, you want me just to blog while im' drunk and since I'm nice to you like that, here I am, drunk blogging.

I have an idea!! I'll just tell you stuff that's happening as it happens. I don't know what else to tell you.

Wait. I know. How I spent my birthday? If you're at all intereset.d If not, get the fuck out.

Oh no, wait, don't go. I was kidding! Just keep reading please. I might say something funny. Who knows?

So Thursday, I spent the entire day sleeping. No. That was an exaggeration. When I got home from work, I read your posts and tweets and investigated on something that I cannot say on here. Because it's DISTURRRRRBING...

Anyway, I was supposed to meet my high school friends last Thursday but I stood them up. Not intentionally, of course. When I got home from my overnight work, I read and commented on your posts then tweeted a little bit while logged in to Facebook without doing anything and then I ate lunch and watched TV a little bit and then before I knew it, I fell asleep which I really did not intend to. I just did. So while my friends were waiting for my text on where and what time we were supposed to meet, i was in bed, snoring. Well, I don't really know for sure whether I'm snoring or not. I just said snoring because-- Actually, I don't know why i said it.

Friday, my actual damn-im-effing-old day, I spent the entire day at home with my mom and siblings. I ordered a lot of food. We had Vodka Mudshake. And we karaoke'd. Yes, we do karaoke at home. Fuck the neighbors. Sing with us if they have a problem.

Are you bored yet? Fine. I'm not gonna tell you what happened yesterday and today. Just today, we I had a few drinks with my kinda friends.

So right now, I'm watching the season finale of Glee. I only get to watch encore episodes because my work schedule sucks. I have been noticing something since Glee has started. Is it just me or Mr. Schuster looks edentulous? Is it his lips that's the problem?

And why does edentulous have a squiggly red line under it? It's a word, Blogger. It is!


Anyway, I'm looking for a picture of Mr. Schu where he looks like he has no teeth at all when he's singing but this damn Internet that thing keeps giving me this:

What's that little round thing called?

I just noticed that I also misspelled yesterday. I'm an idiot too. Sorry, Blogger. I'll correct it now.

Anyway, I found a picture of Mr. Schu.

See what I'm talkin about?

And I told you I'm not that drunk. I can still find picturse.

Moving on to another topic that is still somewhat related because it's still about my birthday, i would like to thank some sweet blog friends who made my day even better and almost made me cry. But only a littlle bit.

First, Carina made this for me and I was really really touched when I saw this:

This one made me laugh so hard. Look at what Tyla did to my picture:

And also, Sweta who, despite the threats Tyla and I made about giving her our angry Asian faces if she fails to explain why she disappeared for twoo weeks, gave me a shout out on her latest post. Plus the explanation on why she disappeared.


Did I miss anything? Let me know.

Now, I need to get some sleep. My head is throbbing like hell.

Wait. Does hell throb? No? Then why do people say that?

P.S. To Ms. 100th follower, I'll write your request post when I'm thinking a little bit more clearly. I promise. :)

(Sorry about the smiley. I just had to put it there.)

Sunday, June 6, 2010

The Awesome TV Shopping Network

(Imagine male chirpy/annoying advertiser voice.)

Do you want to be a blogger but you do not have anything exciting to talk about?

Is your head hurting just thinking about writing a few sentences?

Is your life too boring to share but you're not brilliant enough to make something up?

Do you experience nose bleeding when you try to force your brain to come up with a topic worth reading?

Worry No More!


"The Viagra For The Writer's Brain"

It works like magic. Just take it 1 hour before blogging and you will be able to come up with a perfect topic!

Not only that! You will be able to focus.

You will even be able to write about the things you never cared about before.

Like the tip of your shoelaces!

Or the amount of money people spend on tissue papers!

All amazing topics! In just one sitting!!!

All those amazing benefits for just $500.00 for 30 tablets!!
I repeat. $500.00!!!

The Bloggenator comes with a free medicine bottle so you can put your tablets inside the bottle instead of just holding all 30 pills in your hands for 1 month!

Isn't that amazing?






Call within the first 5 minutes and you will get a free bubble wrap!

Bubble wraps are useful especially when you are having a hard time with stuff that you want to bang your head on the wall.

Just put the bubble wrap around your head and you will not get hurt!!!






Note: I'd like to thank some blog friends. You know who you are!!! Thank you.

Also, I will be celebrating my birthday on June 11th. Honestly, I don't want it to come. I feel like I just had a birthday last week. I'm honestly slightly freaking out. Oh well.

Do you know why I'm telling you this? So you'll greet me. Hahaha.

I love you guys!!!

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Dear Weather, Seriously, are you on crack?

         Okay. I'll get straight to the point. Just so you know, I'm really really really confused. For like 2 months (I think), you were blazing hot. So fucking hot that I felt like I was living inside a microwave oven. Did you know how I felt when I was inside the house and still had to use sunblock? Of course you didn't, you insensitive person creature thing whatever! You knew I work the night shifts. You knew! But still, at noon, MY bedtime, YOU give me scorching heat and humid air.

Remember that? It's a picture of us fighting.

I tried to adjust, you know. Last Saturday, I bought summer dresses. Three summer dresses, just so I could stop cussing and hating you because I know you're just doing your job and all. I tried to understand you. I spent quite a huge(ish) amount of money to buy additional summer clothes. Just so I can be comfortable even when you're being mean.


Are you kidding? You've been raining since yesterday. So what am I gonna do with the clothes I bought now? Wait till next year? 'Til you're evil again? I mean, why are you like that? What did I ever do to you to treat me like that?

Right now, I'm trying so, so hard not to take it personally. But you're treating me like I stole your boyfriend or something. Are you serious?

What are you on, really? Because you seem so confused. You can't make up your mind. FOCUS bitch! Please give me an "okay" weather. Not too hot, not too cold. Just okay. Can you do that?

I think I know the problem here. You're a Bieber fan, aren't you? Aren't you?! That's why you're doing this to me. You're trying to get back at me!

Well, here's my revenge.

As I was writing this, it has stopped raining and the weather is starting to get irritatingly hot again. ARE YOU ON CRACK WEATHER???