*UPDATED!!!* What? Who's Obsessed?

Oh don't look at me like that, I haven't even started explaining yet!

So this is kind of how my brain works:

Does this look like my drawing? No? Well, because it's not. I got it from Tumblr.

Although I have some in-between feelings like, "kinda-like something" and "kinda okay about something." But when I'm uninterested, then I'm really not.

But I'm here to talk about obsessions.

Or addictions...? Same thing to me.

So most of you probably know how much I like coffee and that I have been trying to cut down on caffeine because it's bad for me. No, really, I swear. My doctor told me to STOP drinking it because it's a long story. Ha!

So anyway, trying to cut down on something is not easy, obviously. It's not easy to JUST stop something you've been doing for years, especially if you see it everywhere. Or SMELL it everywhere. It's just so tempting.

I like tea, too, so don't think I hate it because I don't.

(You weren't really thinking that, were you?)

I swear, I do my best not to think about it but it just keeps coming back to me. Sometimes I'd forget it but sometimes I couldn't stop thinking about it.

At first, I'd be really really strong and try not to think about coffee...

I'd be okay for a few days without it but it always comes back stronger. ALWAYS. It just keeps popping into my head, haunting me.

Like true love.

I work at night, so obviously, I need it to stay awake.

So after a few days' worth of effort at ignoring it, I eventually give in. Every time.

And then feel bad about myself because I wasn't strong enough.

So fuck you coffee and your seductive aroma.

I hate you.

Anyway, here's another obsession.

I hate Joseph Kony!

Oh, no, wait! Don't judge. This is not me jumping in the bandwagon of hating Kony. And I'm not just using Kony, KONY 2012, or Stop Kony to get traffic to my blog! Of course not! (See what I did there?)

I have a deeper reason. I hate him because of my new obsession.

Kevin Jumba.

He's awesome.

He's so cute and adorable, I want to put him in my pocket.

And his dad, too. OHMYGOD, HIS DAD!!! He's too funny and adorable. My dream dad-in-law.

Yup.

So anyway, Hailey and I have been seducing tweeting Kev Jumba a lot for him to notice us but for some reason, he never responded to our tweets.

And when I say "a lot" I really mean A  LOT.

We did this for a few days but it's either he's not tweeting or he's tweeting but not mentioning us.

Even Jay started to be bothered by this.

I don't think Kev (hi, babe!) would do that to us, though.

So anyway, after a few days, I found out WHY he hasn't been responding to our tweets!

KONY'S HATERS HAVE BEEN SPAMMING KEV JUMBA (HI, BABE!), FLOODING HIS MENTIONS PAGE ABOUT THE "STOP KONY" VIDEO, AND BURYING OUR TWEETS!

Hi, babe!

Now.

Tell me why I shouldn't hate Kony more than you do!

I fucking hate Kony.

UPDATE:

Here's a video of KevJumba with his friend Ryan Higa.

His description of the video: "I was asked by GE to go on a mission to San Francisco with Ryan Higa. We had to look for these GlobalTap fountains. Trouble ensues..."

Tip: Forward it to 3:15 and watch it from there. So funny.

 

UPDATED!!! Blogging Resolutions (Don't panic. It's not what you think.)

As you already know, I haven't been writing as regularly as I used to.

Well I'm NOT saying that I used to post regularly but you know what I mean.

But that's about to change now. I mean, I'll try. I'll be a blogger who writes about anything and try to be deep about things that no one even cares about.

(Not really but let's move on.)

Let's get straight to the topic, shall we?

I decided to change my style into something more... I don't know, serious?

Just kidding.

Anyway, these are the choices I have and I need YOU (not you, the one in front of the computer. STOP LOOKING AROUND. I'M LOOKING AT YOU. Yes, you.) to suggest which style best suits me.

The deep, thought-provoking blogger.

I can try to be deep about everything to make you realize how important life is and how important certain things are in our lives. I might even use some words that people don't use in real life just to make my posts look more important than it actually is. It doesn't matter how shitty what the topic is, I'll write about anything, which means I can post regularly.

Example:

So deep. Very heartfelt!

The blogger who just copies another blogger's work/drawing/idea and claims it as their own.

Doing this will be easier and will allow me to publish posts regularly.

Natalie Dee's drawing

(Please don't hate me, Natalie Dee. I only did this as an example AND I will never redraw your drawings.)

Okay. I was wrong when I said this is easier. This requires tracing, lots of erasing, filling the drawings with colors (which is more difficult), and cleaning the edges. Drawing your own stuff only requires thinking, drawing, and coloring.

The blogger who talks about something that doesn't really bug them but everybody seems to be bugged by something so...

Sample Post:

So bad ass.

So there are the choices. I'm sure these will help me write regularly, so I need you to choose.

UPDATE: If it's not obvious, I'm just being sarcastic, as always. I'm not going to change my style. Nope. :)

Another Update:

Comment that made me laugh:

Nicki (The Loaded Handbag)

Go visit her blog now.


Please.

*****

On a kind of serious note, I know I've been slacking on writing and commenting. I swear I've been really REALLY busy, trying to do my full-time job, my part-time writing job, AND my hobby-business thing all AT THE SAME TIME. What's worse is that someone messed up with my schedule and decided to add one more day to my workweek, which sucks because I work night shifts, which means I am in the office from Monday night to Sunday morning and go to work again Monday night. And yes, I still have to do those two other stuff. But I update my Twitter, Tumblr, and Pinterest regularly (because it's easier to update those things). But really, I'm SO sorry. I'm not ignoring you guys or anything. It's just that...

Okay. You're starting to space out while I'm explaining. Better stop now. Damn, guys! That's rude!

Also, I know apologizing for slacking is like a mortal sin in blogging (who made this rule, by the way?) so... Am I fired?

The Undeniable Superhuman Strength

Confession: I have an incredible ninja/superhuman strength. I really do. Ask anyone! The thing is, I can't control it yet so I can't use it every time I need it.

My superhuman abilities seem to demonstrate itself at the wrong time, all the time.

There was this one time when I was using my friend's laptop.

So I'm a fast typist. YES. I am. Seriously. But it's not my bionic typing abilities we're talking about here. We're talking about SERIOUS superhuman strength. My fingers, when typing too fast, tend to hit the keyboard hard; the keys make loud sounds when I hit them. (I had to modify these two sentences many times so you won't have the chance to turn them into a TWSS joke. Pervs.)

Anyway, as I was saying before I was rudely interrupted by my own brain, I was using a friend's laptop once and he commented, "Hey it's a laptop, not a typewriter."

And then it hit me.

I have superhuman strength. Strength that I can't control.

Then I remembered a few instances in the past where I lost control of my superhuman strength.

Like this one time when I was on a vacation with my friends. We were in a hotel room and I woke up really early to take a shower. I always wake up the earliest when I'm with my friends because I don't like it when they knock on the bathroom door yelling, "HEY!!!! What's taking you so long?! We're leaving in 10 minutes!!!"

Seriously.

So anyway, I went in to the bathroom and there was a sliding glass door. Of course, in order to get in the shower, I had to slide the door open.

I broke the super heavy sliding glass door.

Undeniable SUPERHUMAN STRENGTH.

Another example: It happened when I was in college. I was with this guy that I was going out with at the time. The thing with this dude is that he loved to tickle when he's becoming boring we run out of things to talk about.

Okay, wait. Let me tell you this: It's not a good idea to surprise me with a tickle. NOT. A. GOOD. IDEA. Ever.

So we were sitting on a bench, things were quiet, I was people watching, looking at the trees and stuff and suddenly, he decided to tickle me! The stupid bastard.

Note: The actual situation happened in like 2 seconds. Like, TICKLE-SHOCK-HIT. I repeat: TICKLE-SHOCK-HIT.

AND THEN, WITHOUT THINKING, I HIT HIM.

I didn't intend to. My hand just flew and hit his thigh. It was just a tap, though. OR SO I THOUGHT. He had to have an above-the-knee amputation right after.

Well okay, not really. It wasn't THAT hard but still. It made a loud sound, like the one you hear in the movies. And my tiny hand left a red mark on his thigh. I felt guilty, of course. I felt like I Rihanna-ed him.

But he learned his lesson.

Another proof: I use a travel toothbrush all the time. I have one at home, I have one at work, I have one in my bag... So anyway, you know how travel toothbrushes are, right? The cover also serves as the handle. So I was one using one at home one night after I was done, I realized that I pushed the upper half of the toothbrush into the handle too hard because I couldn't pull it out.

I can't explain it. Watch this video and you'll see how an ordinary travel toothbrush kind CONFIRMED my suspicion that I have an incredible strength.

See?

Now, I need an awesome superhero name. Any suggestions?

Do you have a superhuman strength too? If you do, well I think we're the new Justice League. Or Power Rangers. Or X-Men.

Yeah, whatever.

In a somewhat related news, want to know my reaction when I was watching my own video?

No? I'll show you anyway.

Yup. This.

I'll try to do better next time. Worst and most awkward video blog ever, just for you.

You're welcome.

Because Exercising Is Too Mainstream

I don't exercise. At all. Even when I *think* I need to. Well I know the health benefits of working out and staying fit and all that, that it's good for the body, it's good for the heart, blah, blah, blah, but they don't motivate me enough to start working out.

For real.

Reasons? You know, laziness, procrastination, like, "Okay, I'll start working out tomorrow." But then I don't.

So yeah.

Well I tried going to the gym. But I gave up after about 5 or 6 sessions because I'm poor I was busy.

I also tried yoga. I did! I attended like 4 sessions but I paid for 6. Why I stopped, you ask?

BECAUSE EVEN AFTER THE THIRD SESSION, I WAS STILL UNABLE TO TOUCH MY TOES!!!!!

Which was kind of embarrassing. And frustrating.

It was a very dramatic moment.

Please don't tell anyone.

Here's sort of how it went.

First session:

ME: *Tries to cheat by slightly bending the knees to reach my toes.*

YOGA INSTRUCTOR: (In a soft voice) Noh, noh, noh. Noh bending. Knees. Straight. Noh bending.

Second session:

ME: *Tries to balance self on one foot.* *Loses balance.* *Giggles.*

YOGA INSTRUCTOR:  (Still in a soft voice. She was very calm and soft spoken and shit.) Concentret... Concentret... Noh laughing...

And then my most hated position ever:

YOGA INSTRUCTOR: Let us all seet down and reech ar toss. Slohhhly...

ME: *Still can't reach my toes* *Tries to cheat again by bending my knees.*

YOGA INSTRUC-

Well you know how it went.

So anyway those were my fitness horror stories. Do you have yours?

Wait. I almost forgot where this post was supposed to go.

This is actually a "How *Not* To Make It Obvious That You *Hate* Exercising So You Don't Get Dirty Looks From People Judging You That You're Just Humble-Bragging" post.

(Had to emphasize some words with asterisks. Because that's what cool people do. Yo.)

You didn't see that one coming, did you?

Oh, you did? Damn, I'm losing my touch!

But whatever. Let's begin.

1. Come in late for work Or school. Every. Fucking. Time. Or even if you're just meeting a friend. Always come in late.

I didn't say it would be an acceptable excuse but at least you made them think that you go to the gym. That's the whole point, right?

2. Date someone who obviously goes to the gym a lot.

"Go to the gym." Yes. This would be the safest statement because it's not exactly saying that you work out. Maybe you go to the gym because you like secretly staring at girls who work out, being creepy you're bored.

3. Get some muscles. Buy shirts with printed muscles on them and viola!!!!

So there you go. I helped you again. I don't know but sometimes, I feel like I'm too nice to you guys. Kind of enabling, don't you think? No?

Meh. You deserve this. I love you too much.

(The spaces keep getting messed up. Sorry about that.)

*UPDATED!!!* (Now with pictures) Drunken Post - Christmas Edition

I can't think of a more appropriate title. Sooo yeah.

I don't know but it seems like the 2011 has been more of an asshole than 2010. At least for me. Don't judge. Yeah. Could' you not wdo that please?

Okay. Gotta adimt, there's really not much to talk about right now. I think I should just describe what's happening around me right now.

It's dark.

I'ts 3:51 a.m.

My mom's snoring. I can totally hear it. SHUT IT MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!

OKay. I don't think tthis is going nowhere. This is pretty much just a waste of blogging space.

I hate it when people mispronounce my name. Or when they decide what name suits you best and start calling you that. Like Janet. I AM NOT JANET!!!

The fuck?

Wait. You know whatt? I'm gonna rant.

At the beginning of the year, I was like this:

Yeah. I can't get my drawing right but that's pretty much the thought.

But it turned out that 2011 is more of an asshole than 2010.

So here's to you, 2011:

Okay. So I drew something where I'm flipping 2011 off and welcoming (threatening) 2012 but Blogger is being an ass and won't uploa it.

2011 has been such a sucky year!!! I went through all the -lessnesses and such. So yeah.

If 2012 isn't nice, I'll introduce it to this guy over here:

Wait. I forgot I can't upload. Dammit.

i'LL TRY AGAIN.

Nope. it won't uploda.

Maybe I'll update this post tomorrow and upload the pictures.

I love you.

So how about resolutions? Have any?

I don't. I don't even have a bucket list.

But I decided to list a few right now. Things that are easier to accomplish. Because wishing for the ipmossible will only make you dissapointed. Also, I don't watn to pressure myself. So yeah.

So here it is.

1. Type this. - Check.
2. Pause to think what to write next. - CHeck.
3. Have an honest, deep conversation with someone.
4. Yawn five times in a row. - Check.
5. Pretend not to give a fuck. - Check.
6. Kill the red ant that's sexually molesting my back. - Check.
7. Get a new job.
8. Pause again to think what to write for numebr 8. - Check.
9. Chill the fuck out.
10. Think of the 10th item on my list - Check.

So there you go! I thiink I'm doing great. So far, I've accomplished 7 out of 10! Hell yeah, mother fuckres!!!

MERRY CHIRSSTMAS TO ALL !!!!

UPDATE:

So I'm just posting the pictures. The pictures that won't "uploda".

Nope, I'm not gonna edit the typos and other spelling errors. Ha!

This is me flipping 2011 off. And yes, I thought I had to explain my drawings. Hey, I was drunk!

This is me welcoming/threatening 2012.

So apparently, I threatened 2012 that he will be introduced to Apocalypse if he decides to suck.

Wow, I just did that? Dayum!