Tuesday, December 25, 2012

half-sober half-drunk don't tell my mom

I feel like I just blinked and it's almost the end of 2012 already.

But I'm not here to talk about Christmas or how 2012 was and shit. I'm here to talk about being cool online.

I'm an expert. Ask my mom.

I'm just kidding. Don't ask my mom. She doesn't knwo.

So there are people who still have difficulty being cool online. It's like you can still feel their awkwardness through the internet and sometimes, it's gets too painful to watch them try.

Yeah, there are times that my own words offend me.

So while I'm trying to regain my almost-popular status that I had about two years ago, I decided to reformat my blog for 2013. You know, like when TV viewers lose interest in TV shows so the producers decide to kill off characters and add some new ones? Or try to sexy it up because sex sells, apparently?

But I'm not going to do that.

Or maybe I will.

Because I want to be so much cooler online than I am in real life.

(There was supposed to be a drawing of me here saying "Hmmmm" but I can't draw and my hand isn't fully functionla at the moment so just use your imagintion.)

So here is my plan.

First, adding the sexy.

Do you guys like pole dancing?



There you go.

You're welcome.

Second, I'll start Internet slangs more. I know I use OMG and OMFG a lot but these don't make me cool enough. I need to use more.

Like, if people unnecessarily use fancy words to sound smart and try to memorize the Thesaurus to use in conversations to impress people, I'll use the Urban Dictionary to sound cool.

Okay, I changed my mind. I searched random words on Urban Dictionary and then I saerched my name and I didn't like some of the results.

I hate Urban Dictonary now. With a passion.

But I'll still probs use more slang words because it totes make peeps cool.

Third, I'll gangsta' my blog up. I'll change my blog name from Thank Goodness for the Good Ones to:



OMFG, that's so dope!

Don't tell me you don't think I can rock it.

I'm a newbie at this and I don't know a lot of gangster-y words but I found a website called Gizoogle OMG is it awesome.

It's time to learn shiznit.

You remember the post where I told you the perks of adopting me? I think if I had discovered Gizoogle then, it would have gotten more response and one of you could be have offered to adopt me now.

Because I translated that post now and look what happened:


It's neva' too late to reconsider, yo!

I also Gizoogled Taylor Swift's song.


And maybe if she had known about this, Kanye wouldn't have hated her so much.

I also gizzoigled quotes by Confucius and i'ts awesome.

These are some of his famous quotes:


 And these are the doped-up quotes.


Uh. Don't tell me you don't like it better.

Gosh.

So yeah. I actosally forgot wehre this post is going. I'm sorry. I fail at life.

Haha. Remember when I said that on my video blog?

Of course you don't.

Sometimes I wonder if pets roll their eyes when humans baby talk them. because when I hear girls baby talk their boyfriends, I roll my eyes. It makes me want to vomit in their faces OH MY GOD STAHP.

Im'n ot saying I'm a pet. Don't think I said that.


Half of this blog post was written sober and half was writne drunk. It's up to you to figure out which part was written sober. But don't waste yiour time. It's okay tont to know. I'm also using Dvorak keyboard so don't tyr to check if my typos are acceptable by looking at your keyboard. I know I have typos because of the red squiggly lines under my words but it's okay. Hannah Montana once said nobody's perfect.

Oh and Merry Christmas fuckers. You all are awesome! I really mean that. Shout out to the birthday boy!!! Don't drink too much.

What am i doing with my life?

I have to go. I have to work on Christmas day. I actually should be sleeping already because it's late.

Rmember the apocalypse? me neither.

24 comments:

  1. You're effin' hilarious!!! I think my stomach aches a little right now hahaha. The translations = GOLD. Now I want to Gansta up more than I want to suit up!!

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  2. I don't think you could possibly get any cooler than you already are.

    Jay

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  3. I think the pole dancing part was sober and the Gizoogling was drunk... That's the order I do it in, anyway.

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    Replies
    1. Wait a second. You pole dance sober?

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  4. I think you lied and it was all written drunk! That was the cutest pole dancing ever. Also, fortune cookies should all contain gangsta Confucius quotes from now on because those are hilarious!

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    Replies
    1. Hahaha! I swear, a small part of this was written a few days ago, sober.

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  5. So did anyone else get a boner form that rabbit pole dancing or was it just me ?

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  6. Alright girl...you seriously have to move here to Seattle with me!! I have a feeling we'd have a blast. lol Plus... I missed you! Sorry I haven't written to you, but I've been so tired...work and all. You know. XD

    You had to work Xmas ?!? now THAT sucks. lol

    Btw, this post was freaking hilarious. I love yo ass. Fo real. ;)

    Write me when you can!! And let me know if anything has happened about the whole moving plan thingy! ;)

    P.s. This be Alejandra!! 'Cause you know how I have 2 blogs and shit. lol

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    Replies
    1. I haven't sent the adoption papers for you to sign! We need to make this adoption thing legal, you know? Haha! And I understand. I'm suuuuper busy, too.

      I mean, supa buzzy, yo! Or something like that. I don't know.

      Oh and yes, I had to work on Christmas (then my boss changed her mind... it's actually a long story) AND I also have to work on the New Year's.

      Thank you!!! <3

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  7. Hahhaha oh drunk blogging. Also, why does that animal pole dancing exist? WHY?!

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  8. Happy (hiccup!) new (hiccup!) year (hiccup!), Your Gnetchesty! @_@

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  9. SOMEONE GIVE GIZOOGLE CONFUCIUS HIS OWN TWITTER ACCOUNT.


    the end.

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  10. HAHAHA. I love your drunken rants. Happy fucking New Year, you magnificent psychopath you.

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  11. I can hear you saying "shiznit." haha. More half-drunk blogging, plz. <--- Internet slang!

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  12. Hi Gnetchy Gnetch...remember me? Long days back blogger frnd. I am back to blogging world after a longgg break at http://goodeatstostyle.blogspot.com/

    What a post:) you sure the most cool person online I have ever known. U go gurl

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