Sunday, June 5, 2011

An overly dramatic re-enactment of the time I almost poisoned myself. ACCIDENTALLY.

There must really be something about the Internet that is so addictive. I was never into computer stuff ever. Until I started blogging.

No, really. I'm not pulling your leg or anything.

So anyway, as most of you know, every weekend, I stay up late to sort of catch up on everyone.

And as most of you know, I am quite a multitasker.

One night, at around 3 AM, as I was practicing my expertise doing important Internet stuff, I was also applying toner to my face. You know all know how important skin care is, right? Everything I do is important. Even saying fuck every now and then is important.

This is how I roll, yo.
The night was cursed from the very beginning. I just knew it. There was weirdness in the air. There was a sense of impending misfortune.

I remember placing (or more like throwing) the used cotton ball on the table beside my bed after using it. I did not look because as I said, I was busy. I just put it on the table and continued my momentous Internet social activity.

Because it was humid, I got thirsty. I always keep a glass of water on the side of my bed because I am too lazy to get up that's what cool people do.

I reached for the glass of water but as the glass came near my lips, I thought it smelled like toner. It was dark and I was too busy to get up and turn on the light. I was like, "Meh. It's probably my face." Don't judge. I just put the stuff on my face so it was natural for me to think that my face would smell like toner.

So I gulped down the water. It tasted funny. Not funny-funny but you know, funny. I held the glass in front of my laptop to to see what was up. I found out I made an excellent shot when I threw the used cotton ball. It went straight into the glass of water. At that moment, I had mixed feelings. I was proud to find out I was an excellent shooter despite my undeniable disinterest in sports but I was also disappointed that I did not listen to what my brain was trying telling me. But that's because my brain is not really always reliable.

My throat was burning and I was salivating like a rabid dog. (Okay, not really but you know what I mean.)

I placed my laptop on the bed and made a dramatic crawl to the kitchen to get a fresh glass of water. This is the part where I started needing a hug. There was no water in the fridge because my brother failed to do his one and only task in life. To refill the bottles with water and put them in the fridge. He was probably busy too...? We don't know but he's not important.

I went outside to refill one of the bottles. The container was too big and heavy. I saw a bottle on the kitchen table with a few drops of water in it so I drank it instead. I walked back to my room, holding my neck. My throat felt dry. I swallowed all the saliva I can produce and I felt sorry for myself.

And then I moved on and went back to the Internet. I'm cool like that. But I sure told everyone what happened.

Nothing bad happened. I lived. Well I guess my throat and intestines are smoother now.

The lesson here is not to stop being careless. It's awesome. The real lesson here is that toners taste horrible. Fact.

Take it from me.

P.S. My Asians are cooking up another online party. I will update you all soon.


  1. God!! I have no real words to say. I think it is a lesson for me too. To stop using the toner!

  2. What the Gnuck! You drank too many vodkas, hence you can swallow a lot of stuff. But I'm still surprised, that you just swallowed it, next time you better spit. Or swallow, if you're that kind ;)

  3. @Ratz: I think you were one of the 2 people I was chatting with. So I blame you!!! Hahaha! :p

    @Nino: Dude. WTF? Haha! And I wasn't even drunk at the time. I was just, well, busy. Also? I did not drink a lot of the toner/water but I still got to taste it. IT. WAS. HORRIBLE.

  4. thank God i'm too lazy for toners and stuff. be more careful next time girl.

  5. glad you didn't die! jeez.

  6. LOL...natawa talaga ko dito.. hehe!

  7. Gnetch it's okay I know you were going over the footage you recorded of me from that camera you hid in my shower and got distracted.

    Besides look on the bright side at least you didn't set yourself on fire like I did

  8. Dude, yesterday I sprayed citronella oil on me (or so I thought) before I went on my porch to eat.And the food tasted funny.As in citronella funny.But I kept eating anyway.And now my stomach wants to kill me.
    So yaaaaaa, you're not the only one who does that.

  9. I AM GLAD YOU ARE ALIVE, because I don't know what I'd do with you! Phew..

  10. I sprayed anti-bacterial makeup brush cleaner on my face instead of my toner the other day. It burned like a mo-fo! Those damn bottles are the same exact size!

  11. So glad you're not poisoned to death. In the words of Kelly Clarkson, my life would suck without you.

  12. OMG! How scary. Ok, don't be mad sweetie, I was scared for you but I also chuckled at the same time. I know the horror you went through but those illustrations you did is soooo cute I found your scary situation almost comical. teehehehehe...Anyhow, I'm so glad your safe. Oh and how's the devil woman you work with? =)

  13. This post was hilarious! I also have a tendency to be overdramatic, but I think that makes us the life of the party, don't you?

    good to know you survived your toner brush with death! lord knows that could have gone one of two ways. . it went the good way.

    check out my blog when you get a chance :) follow for follow?

  14. Here,let me make you feel good about yourself.A friend of mine was sick and often we use Homeopathic medicines instead of the heavy dose drugs.Here's what some douche did(is it legal to call your mom a douche?)She had poured nail polish remover in one of the empty med bottles and the smell sort of the same (the alchohol in them..ethanol?)And I made my friend drink that.
    Next.Often I wake up after my afternoon nap confused whether its morning or the evening and in my (tweeledumber) confusion I end up brushing my teeth with facial scrub.No,I'm not an alchoholic.But I probably think I belong in a mental facility.

  15. Drinking toner cotton balls is just one of the many extreme blogger dangers. Nobody fully understands the perils we go through.... to bring the world our words of wisdom.

  16. I don't even know what toner is or does, but it sounds terribly perilous.

  17. hahahahaha!that is so funny :)

  18. Super blog really amazing pictures

    Thanks for all posts

    Thanks in advance for coming posts...

    Keep posting...............


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  19. Amazing...
    I wanted everyone to take note(gnetch is lazy, she won't say), these drawing take a good amount of time...Kudos & Hats off