Saturday, July 3, 2010

Why Hasn't Anyone Thought Of Making Life-Sized Condoms? Why?

Obviously, I'm back to my regular programing.

In case you're all wondering, I'm doing better now, thank you.

But in case you don't care, then fuck you!

Okay. So as I have said, I'm back to my regular programing. And you know what? I just had another GREAT idea!!! I know!!!

Let me start with how I got this GREAT idea.

It is a fact that we encounter dickheads in our daily lives. There's a lot of them in the world and we all are getting affected. And I care about the world. So how can we manage to stop those assholes from annoying us?

Easy. A life-sized condom for dickheads!

I mean, you know, the human kind.

Don't be such pervs, bitches! This is a borderline wholesome blog!!!

So the other day, I ranted on Facebook that I wanted to punch someone in the mouth but the idea of his saliva on my fist stopped me. Well, give me a break. It *is* disgusting.

If you think I'm talking about The Dev, you're wrong. This one's actually a milder kind of dickhead.

But still a dickhead.

So I was on my way home from work, tired, sleepy, and just wasn't in the mood for crap. And then this dude got in the bus that I was in and sat beside me. Well usually, I just ignore strangers. But this dude was huge. And he was talking on his cell phone so loudly. I HAD A HEADACHE!!!

Well, okay, so he didn't know that.

But still. He didn't have to talk so loud on the phone. He sounded like he had a built-in microphone inside his voice box!


That. Loud.

And what was he discussing with the person on the phone? A crappy TV series!!!

So I thought, if only there's a way to stop this dickhead from being such a dick without punching him in the mouth!

And then last night, I saw this tweet from Geeky.

And an awesome idea came to me!!!

A life-sized condom for dickheads!!!

See? That would probably stop all dickheads!

So condom manufacturers, what are you waiting for?

You guys, don't you think these manufactures should start paying me for the awesome ideas I have been suggesting? I mean really! This will totally help the condom industry!

Well, I'm awesome like that. I should be paid.


Oh! Wait. This is totally unrelated. And totally late. CB is hosting a Fucked Up Friday Follow. I know it's not Friday anymore but you know my schedule. I go to work Friday and come home Saturday. So here it is. Click the button. Now! Even if it's late. Because I said so. *angry Asian face*
One Crazy Brunette Chick


  1. I think that is a great idea. I know so many dickheads, including my ex, and I would LOVE to punch those fuckers in the face. However, blood and saliva always stop me. God damn those small obstacles!! ;)

    I'm visiting you from Fucked Up Friday Follow. Rock on!!

  2. Ahahaha, those before and after pictures are AMAZING!

  3. LMAO! That's a terrific idea. I can use some too! ;p

  4. Ok, since I'm the representative of the male gender here, I need to say: You have a point. However you're using the wrong term. "Dickhead" should not be used to describe annoying people, because we all know girls just love the other dickheads. Why not call those annoying guys "Itchy tampons"? :P

  5. Yes but who will ROLL this condom on these dipshits????

    They can't do it themselves and you and I won't be touching the bastards...

    Hmmmm, I got it!

    We'll make the bodyguards do it!

    Definitely sounds like a job for the protectors of the bitches who will one day rule the world!!!!


  6. you are a total genius. I would definitely buy some. It would be SO FUN to just walk up to a dickhead and put the condom on him without saying a word. muahahahaaaa.
    oh, and I'm sad that I can't make an angry asian face
    *sad white girl of unknown ethnicity face*

  7. A built-in microphone in his voice box? Now, manufaturers have yet another great idea.. for those who want to cause headaches. But they better be not anywhere near you haha!

  8. Girl you are on to something good idea. I've been trying to come up with a couple of handy "anti asshole" devices myself. The first is an electric shock color that senses when somebody is being a dick like the fat ass you mentioned and then gives them an electric shock until they shut up becuase they pissed themselves.

    The second is for idiot drivers, when they do something stupid a sensor in the car detects it and a large mechanical fist comes out of the dash and bitch slaps them in the face. There still on the drawing board but I think they'll be a huge hit.

  9. Hey Gnetch! This is hilarious! If the Condom Industry started making these, I think I'd buy a year's supply. There are a lot of dickheads everywhere, one life sized condom would just not be enough

  10. This is AMAZING. Seriously laughing out loud here. This is one pretty awesome idea :)

  11. Hahahaha! Damn! You never ceased to amazed me with your talent to solve any problem.

    Aren't you gonna bring this up to condom manufacturers? Tell them it will be a great sale because dickheads are everywhere and we need one in handy everyday. Hehehe!

    Love your drawings always.

  12. I really don't know about the life sized condom but you are a genius at drawing... those pics are so darn hilarious Gnetch......

  13. I have been away from the blogging world for too long! I love that your doing drawings now! I especially love the hour glass figure that dickhead got from the life size condom! Do you have those in lady sizes?

  14. Krissy: I know, right? Blood and saliva-- Ew!!! Life-sized condoms should totally be manufactured right away! :)

    Sami: Haha. Thanks!

    Johana: Totally!!

    MKL: Well, that's a good suggestion. But it has too many syllables. Dickhead only has two! :p

    CB: Of course we have body guards bitch! We have bitches. They will totally do the disgusting things for us. Including taking on those dickheads!!! :/

    LaceyRee: Haha. Thank you. You have to catch him by surprise so he wont be able to fight back while you're rolling it over his head and face. Then you'll win!!! :D

    ImNoMiss: Haha! If anyone, and I mean anyone, gave me a mofo headache, they will totally regret it!!!

    Wolf: Anti-assholes are my forte. And apparently yours too! Those are awesome devices!!!

    Mel: We are surrounded by them. So yes, you totally need a year's supply. :)

    Em: Ah, thank you.

    Mitch: I wish they'd see this post so they can contact me and pay me for my awesome ideas. Haha.

    Ratz: You don't agree with me???? Why????

    Katherine: Girl!!! Haha. I started drawing on my "I'm Forgetful. Sue Me!" post. Since then, every time I can't find the appropriate images on Google for my post, I just draw.
    I think the condom manufacturers should make some for the ladies. But for shaping up purposes. :)

  15. waaahhhh! i hate myself for being absent in the blogosphere for two days. i'm reading this post soooooo late hahaha!anyway, this is such a brilliant idea and obviously i never crossed my mind that there is indeed a way to stop these dickheads in a non-violent way.

  16. guess what?! you got an award on my page


  17. Um, yeah, I would totally buy a ton of these and use them on loud mother effers on public transportation!

  18. My blood is boiling just thinking about it. What a freakin' loser!!!

    I hate it, absolutely hate it when people talk on their cellphones in public. Bus. In Line. Train. Movies.

    Love your idea. Love it!! But they'd still only have a 95% success rate. We need a life size PILL for the rest.

  19. So, I have this friend. He's a loud talker normally, but when he's on a cellphone, he's literally yelling. No joke, yelling. He's pissed off more than his fair share of people hahaha

  20. lol great idea. I'd love to use them at work :D

  21. Woah! I missed a lot of things!

    That was a great idea...just in case you got one please let me know so that I can buy too. I just need to toss a bitch and a coward together inside that big condom and buried them both afterwards....(so pissed off).

    Thanks for the idea and hey I need a bloggernator pills, do you have some?

  22. Hopefully this shit is working again.
    Anyways, just want to let you know,
    I have put your little button on my site.
    Why you ask ?
    Cuz you're COOL !

    Okay then, I must see if this shit is working still before I do another damn post.

  23. Jan: Well, you know. I'm a very peace-loving person. I hate violence. Haha.

    LaceyRee: Thanks, girl!!!

    Citygal: Totally. Public transportation is full of dickheads!

    The Guys: They are very annoying! But how can a pill help us stop dickheads???

    David: He must have a built-in microphone in his larynx. Like I said. But don't worry. If the condom manufacturers read this post, I'm sure our problems will be solved.

    Jill: Yes, at work!!! You have dickhead coworkers too? High five!!!

    Sey: You seem really pissed off! Haha. You should call the 1800 hotline for the bloggenator. ;p

    Max: Well, it is working now though Blogger deleted one of the comments on this post. Thank you for putting my button Mr. Evel!!!

  24. I would surely go broke buying them. I know plenty of folks who I could use them on!

  25. Quick, someone call Trojan...they would make a killing in my town.

  26. You and your ideas! Crack me up! Maybe a life size but plug for ass holes to??? Hihi.. You need to get your own factory missy! You're like the inventor in Donald Duck, Peter Smart ;)

  27. This is just pure genius. Seriously. You should win a Nobel Peace Prize or something.