I Feel Guilty Replacing You Just Like That But A Girl Has To Move On

When I was younger...

Wait. That's not an interesting intro, is it?

Let me start again.

*Ehem.*

HEY GUYS LISTEN!!! I HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING! (Better?)

Good.

So when I was younger (I'm using it anyway. Got beef?) I've always been jealous of people who can play the guitar so well so I decided to learn. But I started kind of late, I was already a teenager. A few guy friends taught me how and when I finally had my first guitar, I was really excited.

Yay, guitar!

You know when you buy cheap guitars, you should really have someone with you who knows what normal guitars sound like. But I was really excited so I went to the store by myself and got a turtle back acoustic guitar. When I showed it to the person who was willing to teach me at the time, he said there was something wrong with the sound. He made several tone adjustments to no avail. There really was something wrong with the placement of the strings. The saddle was too low, according to him. So I went back to the store and the manager was nice enough to replace it with the same design. But still, there was something wrong with it. On my third time to the store, I had someone come with me and finally, I got something that sounded good enough. So there, I had my THIRD first guitar (?!).

We've been through a lot, the guitar and I. When I go on vacations, I take it with me. For approximately 8 years, I've been using that guitar. Well, not on a daily basis. But still, 8 effing years! And then...

This happened.

*sobs*

Two years ago, my first guitar died.

It was my sister's fault. She used that guitar a lot (she's actually better than me now), hung it (not carefully enough), and it fell! So my first ever guitar is now dead. Yes, it has passed away. Bless the guitar.

Anyway, my sister was denying the fact that she was careless.

I was really pissed off! Like really, really, really pissed off! I SAVED MONEY FOR THAT GUITAR!

I need to call Gil Grissom the new guy! Or anyone!

THE INVESTIGATION:

*enter CSI theme song:*

Whoooo are you

Hooo-hoo, hooo-hoo...

 Anyway, while the investigation is still ongoing, I felt the need to replace the new guitar so I bought a new one right away.

So now friends, I'd like you to meet my 2-year-old guitar.

To my late guitar, I really love you and I  feel guilty replacing you just like that after all we've been through. But a girl has to move on, you know?

Anyway, I just have to ask. Has this ever happened to you? Did someone break something you own that is really important to you?

a hate texter, my taste in men, and drunk tweeting

For about 3 days now, some girl has been texting me about ME trying to steal HER boyfriend. Like total hate texting. I barely know this girl. We just exchanged numbers because we have met a few times already and because we have 1 common friend. In short, I only know her by name. Or something.

So last weekend, I was in this social event and she was there too. With her "boyfriend" whose name I can't remember. Not to mention his face.

Okay.

It was not hard for me to ignore her texts (a) because I did not take them seriously, and            (b) because HELLO???! I don't know you, idiot. But I got curious so I asked our common friend what this girl's problem is and what the boyfriend looks like. My friend told me the girl's problem is the group pictures of us the guy had stored in his phone.

Let me repeat, GROUP pictures. Not even one solo picture of me.

So we were hanging out that day and apparently, the creep was taking our pictures. But again, GROUP pictures. I cannot understand why she thinks I was trying to steal her boyfriend. I did not even know he was taking our pictures. I was busy being crazy.

And according to my friend, the boyfriend looks like...

Wait for it...

A foot. (Exact description given by my friend).

Uhm, like this?

[CLIPART]

Okay, maybe not but excuse me, NOT MY TYPE.

So it got me thinking. What exactly is my taste in men? Of course, I don't like someone who looks like a foot. Have you met someone who looks like a foot?

Exactly.

So I thought of a few celebrity crushes I had over the years.

I'll mention some of them.

First, Drew Fuller. I really love his face. Just look at him and you'll understand. Also, I love his eyes. I haven't seen him in a while, though.

This second one is Lee Min Ho. He is a Korean actor. I like his eyes. And the hair, oh my goodness, LOOK! And he's kinda mysterious. I like that in a guy.

Now this is Kim Bum. He's also Korean. Yeah, I really like Asian eyes. I'm not normally into cute, adorable, good-boy faces but I can't help looking at him. He really is cute. And his smile? I'm telling you. He has better pictures but I'm lazy.

I discovered these 2 Korean guys' existence when I saw them in a TV series.

Mark Salling. I have a crush on his character (Noah Puckerman or Puck) in Glee, actually. I like his badass-ness. Really. He got my attention on this certain episode where he sang Sweet Caroline and played the guitar. Like, this dude is cool! Or hot! Whatever. If you can play the guitar or the drums and can sing? You're hot in my book. I had a crush on Rob Thomas (Matchbox Twenty) when I was in high school.

Lastly, look at this dude's body. His name is Piolo Pascual. He is a Filipino actor. He actually looks good. And he has nice teeth. He has better pictures but I chose this one because I want to you see his body.

Now, if my hate texter's boyfriend looks anything like the guys I just mentioned, maybe she should worry. Not that I'm gonna steal the guy. I'm not like that. She should worry about other girls.

I'm not really into physical qualities, though. Maybe just a little bit. But I'm more into a guy's personality, humor, if he makes sense when we talk, and stuff like that. But of course, he has to look presentable. Definitely not like a foot. But I was thinking. What if I see those good physical qualities that I just mentioned in one guy? What would he look like? I think I just created a picture of my future husband in my head. I'll pray for this one.

 

Or maybe not. I think I just created my own Frankenstein.

Damn! Shit! I'm gonna have nightmares about this.

God, you knew I was joking, right?

I promise, I'll be a good girl.

Just say you knew I was only joking.

So now what? DRUNK TWEETING! Yeah.

Saturday night, I tweeted these.

And then after a few minutes (or hours, I'm really not sure), I attracted 2 new Twitter (I can't believe I just typed Tweeter. WTF?) followers.

So I tweeted this:

Now, here's the big revelation.

I wasn't drunk.

I was just bored.

Bored? Google Something!

First, I want to apologize for my 5-day blogging hiatus. Or was it 6? Well, who's counting? But please understand. I'm a very busy person. But that doesn't mean I left you already.

Not that you noticed. You've all been busy too, I know. And I still comment on your blog posts, right?

So actually, I can't think of a topic for my blog post today. So I decided to share with you what I found on Google. These will either make you laugh really hard or wanna punch me in the face. And really hard too.

But please don't punch me.

I was bored at work so I Googled "Separated at Birth."

Yes, I do that a lot. Boredom will make you Google anything.

I even Google onychomycosis for fun.

Just kidding...

Anyway.

I came up with these:

SEPARATED AT BIRTH?

Dandelion and Phil Spector

 Emma Watson and Ferrero Rocher

 Fergy and Bret Michaels

 Hillary Duff and Donkey

 

and lastly...

 Megan Fox and Michaela Romanini

This was my reaction:

[clip art]

For more Separated at Birth pictures, go to inmirror.com. Go there and tell me which one is your favorite and why.

The commenter who comes up with the funniest explanation will gain popularity.

Probably.

But I'm not a fortune teller.

 







NOTE: THIS POST IS NOT INTENDED TO OFFEND ANYONE. AND MEGAN, STOP TEXTING ME. WE'RE NOT THAT CLOSE. ;)

It Could Just Be Because Dolls Are Pretty Ugly

Often, girly girls like me are stereotyped as weaklings (if not brat, princessy, damsel in distress, or a bitch). Well, NEWSFLASH!!! I am none of the above mentioned. Well, the bitch part, I can sort of admit. But brat? Princessy? Damsel in distress? AND WEAKLING??? No effing way.

I'm just saying.

But let me explain.

Note: I'm not posting this to pretend or to brag about how brave I am for a small girly girl. You need to finish reading this because I will share something about me that you probably would not have expected. But just probably. You could have guessed it already because of the title but... Oh, just keep on reading and stop giving me that look!

So can I explain now?

I'm not scared of the usual things normal people are commonly scared of. For example, spiders, heights, dogs, (well my former best friend pretends to be scared of dogs, she probably thinks it makes her cute), being alone in the dark, and many other odd things. (I may need some more suggestions here. What are people usually scared of).

So anyway, first the spiders. Yes, in a way, they're irritating but most insects are. But they don't scare me. Unless of course, if it's super big and poisonous. I should be scared.

Heights - I love heights. I love high places. I'm even obsessed with roller coasters, super high Ferris wheels, and other tormenting, crazy amusement rides.

Dogs - I don't care much about dogs unless they think I'm dinner.

Being alone in the dark - I understand why most people are scared to be alone in a dark room. It's because of those ghost stories and stuff. But I'm not. Because if ever ghosts are real and they decided to show themselves to me because it's dark, I would just run. No problem. But sorry to those who feel more secure when there's light. Because if ghosts are real, they will appear no matter what. They could be looking at you right now. Look! Someone's behind you! *enter villain laughter here*

Anyway, here's a big revelation: You wanna know the only thing that scares the hell out of me? Dolls! You heard me. Those ugly, porcelain, weird looking, blinking, annoyingly smiling dolls. I hate those! (Barbie dolls and stuffed animals not included). According to my mom, I used to cry when someone shows me a doll as an infant. And when I was like 5, I was given a HUGE dancing doll as a gift and when I opened the box, my reaction was like I just saw a monster. Swear.

Well now I don't cry anymore but dolls still give me goosebumps. Even if they are just innocently displayed in one corner. Their eyes are funny. And I don't like their hair touching my skin. But I'm a lot calmer now. Unless you're really fucking evil that you would throw one to me when I'm not ready. Really, you'll regret it.

To prove a point, here's a link to the ugliest dolls I've ever seen on the Internet. Well, actually these are the only ones I've come up with because I'm lazy to look for something more terrifying. Enjoy. HERE.

I just gave you the link because I don't want those pictures on my blog, thank you.

Fear of dolls is called Pediophobia. Just in case you want to know.

In other news, I got another blog award from Ashley a.k.a. Cupcake a.k.a One Crazy Brunette Chick. But wait. There's no tagging here because according to her, "I made my own awards to distribute to only the ELITE and worthy bloggers of my choice. I MADE and personalized these awards to fit each of the awarded specifically. That means you should feel super fucking special dick-wads."

Check out her blog. Real bad ass!

If I Could Sell These, I'd Be Rich By Now

So i got a few awards from my friends in the blogosphere this week and I'm feeling awesome. First, I got this from Another David:

Then I got this from Christina and Connie:

  Thanks guys! You are just so nice to me!

Though I think when Another David gave me the award, it's more like, "Oh, I forgot! I should give this to Gnetch too! She might run me over if I don't. I mean, dude! SHE PICKS FIGHTS WITH THE SUN!!! And she can't DRIIIIIIVVVVVE!!!"  But David, I don't have PMS anymore. Maybe next month. Haha! Just kidding!

So here goes:

THE MASTER OF KARATE AND FRIENDSHIP AWARD:

The rules (Another David's version):
1. List 6 things you master (He said think of 12 things but only list the even numbers so yeah, it's 6!).
2. Post a picture of your favorite martial arts movie.
3. Tag people.

6 THINGS I MASTER:
1. Sleep.
I can sleep 15 hours straight especially if the weather is so beautiful, like not too hot, not too cold, not too noisy... (you know, when it's raining so hard, it's noisy outside). It's true! If you don't believe me, ask my mom.

2. Staying awake.
I know you're all like, "What the fuck?" Contradictory, I know. But it's true! When I'm on vacation with my friends, we don't sleep! Well, only 2 of us don't. Some need their rest. *whisper* they're old. But don't tell them I told you. Shhh...

3. Multitasking.
You know. While at work, I do my job while writing a blog post, while reading your posts, while commenting, while tweeting, while reading personal E-mails... I'm the best employee ever.

4. I'M THE MASTER PRANKSTER.
If you're new to my blog and you need proof, go here and here. But come back here.

5. Murdering mosquitoes.
I hate mosquitoes so I mastered murdering those insects. I can go camping with you in the woods and you won't hear me complaining about mosquitoes because they're gonna be dead before those little pointy insects touch me. What are their purpose anyway? Can anyone answer this?

6. Lying about being a mosquito murderer.
Yeah, I made up the mosquito murderer part. I haven't mastered that one yet. But I'm planning to. I swear.

I didn't follow the even numbers part because... Nah, I don't have a reason. Haha!

I can't remember the title of the awesome martial arts movie that I have in mind so I'm gonna give you this instead:

This is my 4-year-old cousin, wearing my 16-year-old sister's Tae Kwon Do uniform.

I'll do the tagging later.

***************************

Next...
HAPPY 101 AWARD:

The rules:
1. Thank the person/people who gave it to you.
2. List the things that make you happy.
3. Tag people.

To Christina and Connie, 2 of my favorite bloggy girl friends THANK YOU!

THINGS THAT MAKE ME HAPPY:
- When it's time to go home after work
- When mutant supervisor is absent
- When it's payday
- Vanilla ice cream (because I can experiment and make my own flavors)
- My little cousin (the one in the picture. He practically lives here)
- My bloggy friends (you all make me happy but to name a few, Christina, Connie, and Amanda. Those I didn't mention, you also make me happy so don't think that you do not affect me because you TOTALLY do).
- When you appreciate my blog posts
- When I get a new follower
- When I feel that you appreciate me

Now for the tagging part:

For the Master of Karate and Friendship award, I'm giving it to:
Christina - Christina In Wonderland
Connie - Conniedom 
Amanda Jean - No Day But Today 
Katherine - This Or The Housework (Welcome back and may your Mac rest in peace ;D)
Lauren - Egosyntonicity 
Ashley - One Crazy Brunette Chick (I so ♥ this biotch and I always look forward to her comments).

For the Happy 101 award, I'm giving it to:
Another David [yes dude, you're getting another one ;-) ] - I've Never Been Good With Titles

And my new Google Friend Connect-ers, you also get the Happy 101 award because you made me happy this week.
Ashton King - Journalistic Musings
Somekioffunky - Some Kind of Funky
Becca - Only A Mama Knows
Jane - Wishful Thinking
Rob - Go Forth and Blogeth
Ali - Travel Rambling

I think it's time for me to get a 3-column template. What do you think? So my awards would have like a shelf or something? Ha!

Love you all guys!!!

P.S. You can just get these awards and place it on your sidebars if you're lazy. Fuck the rules! And feel free to get both awards if you want.

Aren't you just glad my mom brought me up to be this nice???

But don't forget to thank me or I will push you down the stairs! I'm just behind you.

Now, for our entertainment, look at this:

Some stranger, a Justin Bieber fan, Tweeted this. I feel like a total celebrity! Haha!

so let me teach you another prank

I just noticed that I have not been posting anything for days now so I decided to suggest another prank. Because I don't want you to think I'm neglecting you.

 Yes, you heard it right! The MASTER PRANKSTER is gonna teach you one! And you're free to steal this. Just don't forget to send me gifts or thank you notes.

So here it is. This is written on a hidden page because you know, this is only for those who read my blog. Trust me on this.

So now, ARE YOU READY?

click HERE.

 

Note: You can comment things like,

"Oh girl, you're the best!"

or

"Oh, I'm totally gonna steal that!"

or

"Oh you!!!!" (angry voice)

or

"You bitch, I'm gonna crush you!!" (angrier voice)

or just

"Hahaha. LOL"

or anything you want to say just don't spoil this.  Don't give clues! What I told you on our secret page is between us. And don't forget to comment. Okay?

better think twice before sleeping when i'm around

So if you haven't heard, there is this photo tagging kinda thing circling around and the awesome, very pretty (BECAUSE HE GOT 3 BEAUTIFUL BLOGGER AWARDS!!!) Another David tagged me. It's really simple. First, you open your 1st photo folder. Then, scroll to the 10th photo. Then, post the photo and share the story behind it. And, obviously, tag 5 or more people.

So here it is:

The photo:

look, we're crying!

The story:

My friends and I make it a point that we go on a 3-day getaway every year. Usually, we meet at noon and get to our destination at night (because we love far places). On this certain vacation the guy sleeping (he's gay by the way. Uhm, not that you needed to know) traveled alone because he had to finish some errands first so when he got to our hotel room, he was so effing tired and wanted to sleep and we were all so hyper because we got to rest earlier and we were like all drunk and crazy and constipated...

No. I lied about us being constipated.

Anyway, did I tell you I'm a prankster? Well, now I'm telling you.

Back to the story... So my other guy friends are like, "Oh, don't sleep. We didn't come here to sleep," and I was like, "Let him rest for a little while. He's tired." So the tired friend slept and we continued our fun. AND THEN! An idea came to me. I set the camera and stood by his bedside and posed like I was crying and praying over a husband who just died. Of course, my friends saw my plan and participated. They rushed over and placed themselves around the bed, faked crying, and I couldn't stop laughing (look at the photo. I was laughing so hard!) and I wanted to slap myself because I was trying to make it look like a goofy family drama and I just couldn't stop laughing.

Then, click!

After the photo was taken, we pretended like nothing happened and when our friend woke up, we asked him if he was hungry. Like normal friends would do.


Now, it's time for you to share your own stories my dear Twitter/Facebook/Blogger friends! Guess what? I chose 6 of you!
Amanda Jean - No Day But Today
Christina - Christina In Wonderland
Connie - Conniedom
Cupcake - One Crazy Brunette Chick 
Rachel - You Just Can't Google Everything
Ryan - Wandering Menace

P.S. I wanted to cheat and choose the picture where I looked cute but I didn't. Just saying.

P.P.S. I'm hungry. Just saying.

Update on ex-dear friend: I think he was right about what he said. You know? So he's still wheelchair bound.

i have PMS and a sharp knife. got something to say?

So I talked to a guy friend yesterday over the phone and he suggested I should elaborate on the PMS thing.

Me: What? I don't have to. It's self-explanatory as I said.

Guy Friend: No it's not.

Me: ..........

Guy Friend: Plus it makes a cute post.

Me: Don't tell me about cute posts. You're just stupid that's why you didn't get it.

Guy Friend: ... Is that PMS?

Me: Yes!

Guy Friend: See? You have to make us see the difference between you with PMS and you without PMS.

Me: (thinking this might be a good idea) If I don't get hits from this, I'm gonna run you over.

Guy Friend: You can't even drive.

Me: All the more reason to be afraid.

Guy Friend: Well, (I can feel him mocking me here, like he's smiling when he said this) I noticed that you don't get much comments when you talk about how you feel. Just keep on making fun of other people. Make fun of Taylor Swift. Or that Justin child. What's his name?

Well, our conversation did not end there but that's all I'm gonna share. Let's just say he's wheelchair bound now. So, as requested by my ex-dear friend, here are my possible responses to certain situations with and without PMS.

*Situations that happened/happens IRL.
*Situations suggested by Guy Friend.


Situation #1: When it's Monday.
Me without PMS: I have to sleep this afternoon. I have work tonight.
Me with PMS:  "I don't wanna go to work. I'm lazy."


Situation #2: When a person tries to be funny by deliberately sneezing loudly.
Me without PMS: I'd ignore the person. Or maybe even smile at him. I'm such an angel.
Me with PMS: I'd give the person a sharp stare until he gets so scared that he'd jump off the building.

Okay. I said cold sharp. Not creepy.


Situation #3: When talking to my annoying, probably mutant, supervisor:
Me without PMS: I would politely answer, "Okay," or "I don't think it's possible."
Me with PMS: *annoyed and disgusted* (because mutant supervisor tries to be cute even though she's like 40 years old and I can't bear this when I'm PMS-ing).


Situation #4: When hearing a Taylor Swift Song:
Me without PMS: I would calmly turn off the source of the sound if possible (TV, radio, etc).

note: If the source of the horrible sound is human, this might be a problem.

Me with PMS: Physically assault the person who made me listen to THAT song.

note: The doctor is doing better now, don't worry.

Situation #5: When dealing with creeps:
Me without PMS: I'd politely say, "Sorry, but no." Or "I'm busy." Or do the Robert Scheme if necessary.
Me with PMS: "Get... The... Fuck... Out... OF MY LIFE, OKAY?????"

Situation #6: When the weather is unbearably hot:

Me without PMS: I would just drink ice-cold water and/or take a bath multiple times a day. Or go to the mall where there's free air conditioning.
Me with PMS: "GOT A PROBLEM WITH ME, SUN??? Come down here and make my day! What are you waiting for? Wuss!"

Pictures of...

me without PMS:

me with PMS: