Tuesday, November 15, 2011

How To Win Over An Attractive Woman. Alt. Title: "And somehow, I came up with a story where I can use my old drawings."

So I asked my friend Matt for a blog topic suggestion and he suggested that I give tips on how to win over attractive women. And he demanded that I be semi-serious. As if my previous post wasn't serious enough.

What does serious mean anyway, Google?

Oh. Google doesn't know either.

So okay. I'm not gonna assume that you are having some sort of woman trouble. No, not at all (squinty, judgmental stare).

And because I know that most men don't understand women AT ALL, I decided to write what Matty suggested. Also, because I asked for a topic.

So.... Yeah.

So this post is dedicated to all the men who read my blog.

And to the women, too, so they know when to be impressed.

So here are the tips:

(I am Semi-Serious)

The attractive woman. Supposedly. I mean, with that annoying Daffy Duck face pout and all.
First of all, you need to be interesting. And make her feel like you like talking to them but AVOID sounding desperate. Try to impress her but be cool about it. If you know what I mean.

Here are the most common qualities attractive women look for in a guy:

  • A guy who thinks about the future.
  • Badass. But in a good way.
  • A guy who is cool and not easily embarrassed.
  • A guy who takes care of himself.
  • Sweet.
  • Not selfish.
  • Some sort of a hero.

That's all. Pretty simple. Women are not as complicated as you guys think, you over-dramatic, hormonal, sensitive creatures!

Anyway, you can show the girl you like that you have all these qualities by simply talking to her and telling her a story. Of course you should initiate the talking.

Impress her.

Tell her your life stories with a twist.

For example, this is your story: On your way home, it suddenly grew dark. Like really suddenly. This made you panic that you ran really fast and got home panting heavily.

So do you think it's an interesting story? Totally NOT. She might just say, "Oh. Okay." End of conversation. Or worse, she might fall asleep while you're talking. It would be a turn off, trust me. And your ego is gonna be crushed!

Instead, add an unexpected twist. Make it interesting. Notice I emphasized the words unexpected and interesting. Because that's how I roll. (That didn't even make sense.)

So tell your story like this:
"I was on my way home, seriously thinking about life and all (thinking about the future - check!) and suddenly, it grew dark! I don't know what happened. It just did!"

"I was so shocked that my mouth was open the whole time I was walking! Like, 'Man what the fuck!'" (Cussing: An indication of badassness. Check!)

"And because it was too dark, I didn't notice that there was a huge rock in front of me so I tripped!!!" (Admitting embarrassing moments will make her think that you're cool and not easily embarrassed. Check!)

"So I sat on a nearby bench and nursed my very soft and delicate feet (she'll totally be impressed by this fact because this means you take care of yourself, so check!) and then the red ants attacked me." (Red ants = indication that you're sweet.)

"And then I heard screams! Screams of scared people! So I decided to ignore the pain I was feeling and help the people in need." (Altruism. Very impressive. Check!)
"AND THEN I SAW A DRAGON! It was breathing fire on people. Good thing I brought my shield and saved them but daaaamn it was close!" (Heroic move. Check!)
"And then I went home."
Clearly, this version is more interesting. This will work.

You're totally welcome.

So everyone, if you need tips on something, or advice, or you want to ask anything, I can totally help you. E-mail me or leave it in the comments. I'm sure I can help you because you see, I'm like the god of tips.

And again, this didn't make sense at all.


That's all (smiling emoticon).


In other news, my 500th follower asked me if I could promote his blog and since he's the 500th, I guess I should. So check out A Guy Named Lulu. He draws too. And his blog is funny.


  1. And all this time, I thought that when guys told me they had to fight a dragon on their way home from work they were being lying assholes! Now I see. They were just excellent story tellers.

  2. I'm going to print this out and start working on these things immediately. Well, in the morning actually.

    And, while it's not my style to think that blog posts and other things are aimed directly at me, I'm pretty sure you were thinking about me when you wrote this one. It's okay, I'm not upset. Flattered in fact.

    That whole "stop ignoring girls when there's football on" was the give-away. ;-)


  3. Yay! so now I'm gonna get a girlfriend! Now can you write on how to keep it a secret from your parents :p

  4. Thank you for this blog. I run the blog over at Good Apps. So I am always reading others blog post to improve my writing skills. You obviously have a lot a lot of skill which allowed you to become "a blog of note." Quite a feather in your cap. Congrats!

  5. Lol queen ov tips! I agree with u like 70% but the badassnes isnt actualy necesary for all girls, it depends on the part of the world one lives in.

  6. @Gia: Nooo! They were trying to impress you. :p

    @Jay: Of course this is about you. You say you fight dragons every time we talk! Uh.. Right??

    Wait. So you're ignoring girls because of football??? Mean person! Mean!!

    @Nikhil: Of course. I wrote this for every guy who wants a girlfriend! And? Sure, I can try to come up with tips on how to keep a secret from your parents.

    @Dave: Thank you so much!!!

    @Mr Nasir: You don't like badassness in a guy? But it's awesome!! :)

  7. So you are saying , I have been doing it wrong all these years?
    Here, I thought booze,and cash were working for me all along.

  8. @Maxy: Booze and cash could work too. But only for a short while. Remember, you have to be heroic, badass, and everything that's on the list! Work on it! Now!! :p

  9. I like keepin' it simple !
    Less work.
    Of course I am a badass tho'.

  10. picking up hot girls...... check.
    Now how bout tips on how to get her to agree to a threesome?

  11. Some sort of hero? Psh. It's not like slayable dragons are just walking around, you know. Not here, anyway.

  12. @Gnetch: Yep, *impress* my pants riiight off!

  13. you are so funny. pls, can you give tips on how to get the dragon to show on time.lol

  14. @Steve: Just give her food. If that doesn't work, let me know and I'll think of another way.

    @Matty: Psh. Stop complaining. Just do what I say.

    @Gia: Hahaha! See? It worked! :p

    @Luciano: Okay. That would be easy!!! Haha! :P

  15. I once pointed out to a woman that she had lettuce in her teeth and her breath was bad...


    Well... I don't like to toot my own horn, but yes.

  16. Totally hilarious! LOVE IT! Thanx for adding this smile to my dreary day. :o)

  17. Yeah! stop ignoring girls when there's football... i mean seriously!

  18. If a guy used these techniques, I'd totally marry them. Just sayin'. I think you should submit this post to Cosmo for Men!

  19. dragons? hahahaha! you got me there! and your drawings are hilarious! i just loved the "pout" and "peace-sign"! i think i'm going to follow you around. :)

  20. Don't need this advice, I already have an attractive girlfriend.

  21. love it. Can we add "a good job" to the guy list?

  22. Girl, this is genius! Your drawings are great and super creative. If I was a desperate loser, I could truly use this here.. on this beautiful island :P Thanks for sharing, hehe.

  23. Thanks lot for this useful article, nice post