Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Totally effective ways to make the person you like notice you.

So here's the thing. You like someone but you don't know whether they like you too or not. And you don't know if they even know you exist! Everyone goes through this at some point, whether you're a guy or a girl. So it's nothing to be embarrassed about. Because you know what? It's normal for peo-- COZ BABY YOU'RE A FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIREWOOOORKK! COME ON SHOW 'EM WHAAAAAAATT YOU'RE WOOOOOORTHHH!!! MAKE ME GO UH-UH-O-

Sorry. I just randomly breakout into a song sometimes.

Sorry about that.

Okay. So where was I?

Oh yeah, the tips! Yeah. This is applicable to males and females who are creepily secretly crushing on someone.


1. Be catchy.
Yes. All the time. Even if you're just gonna go to your friend's house next door. Wear sexy, borderline Gaga clothes, clothes that are too tight that it would drain the color off your face. I know, I know it's gonna be hard. Wearing clothes that are 10 sizes too small takes some getting used to, but you have to sacrifice! You need to get his attention.

Also, don't forget to wear perfumes. Yes, PERFUMES. A different scent on every part of your body would be awesome. It's like, you just have to walk by and he will surely take a look.
To the guys, you can wear something tight too. Show some chest hair. No, actually, don't. Just wear tight clothes. Maybe like a pair of tight red leather pants. Cool, right?

2. Use the subtle threat.
This may be really REALLY scary to the person you're attracted to. So make sure you're still sweet and friendly to them. Make them some coffee. Or tea. Whichever they prefer. Just so they don't think they are being abducted and/or are in danger.

Yes, this is recycled drawing. Got beef? :)

3. Smile. 
All the time. Stop that I'm-too-cool-to-smile attitude. Trust me. It. Doesn't Work. No, really! You should smile no matter what you're going through.

4. Be everywhere. 
Always be around. In the hallways, in the parking lot... It would be super easy to know where they are if they're the kind of person who posts their location on Facebook and Twitter. If they are in the mall, GO TO THE fucking MALL! Just make sure they see you. By doing this, you'll make them believe that you're always on their mind.

Be behind the bathroom mirror if you need to.

5. Show you care. 
Talk to them. If you're too shy, a text message would do. Don't hesitate. But avoid, I repeat, AVOID, sounding desperate on your text. Don't say, "Hey I really really really really need to see you. I'll die if I don't see you because, blah-blah-blah..." Also, those cheesy pickup lines? Girls don't fall for that anymore. Be cool. Send them things like, "Hey. Not that I'm videotaping your every move but I noticed you're out of beer. Check your fridge."

Not creepy. At. All.

Or you can try something sweeter like, "Hey. You're wearing your Friday underwear. It's only Thursday. FYI."

That is if they're the kind of person that wears "scheduled" undies.

Also, adding a smiling emoticon on your text message would be nice. Just don't use the winky with tongue hanging out emoticon. It would sound weird.

I know you see my point.

So there you go. These tips will surely make them notice you.

I just said notice, okay? Don't blame me for the restraining orders you sure are about to get.

At least they noticed you, right?

You're welcome.

Guys, some of you may have noticed that no one can comment on my pages anymore and the old ones that were published are gone. I don't know what happened but I'm so gonna punch Blogger for this.


  1. great ideas there girl! as always you never fail us. I'll probably use the subtle threat.

  2. This is an awesome advice for young people.

  3. All brilliant ideas. As an expert stalker, I can tell you that just showing up wherever they are always makes your victim, er, intended girlfriend or boyfriend really happy.


  4. Sooooo. I'm wasting my time lifting my blouse up?

  5. I do most of these things... not one restraining order yet... well in the state of California that is. LOL!

  6. lol, another masterpiece posting by Gnetch!

  7. haha.. now lang ulit nakabalik dito. and ur ideas remind me of something.

  8. lmao...........that number one is really funny.
    good stalking tips

  9. haha, for sure my crush won't notice me because I wear loose shirts maybe it's time for change.

    I like number two, it made me imagine something. hahaha!

  10. HAHAHAHA! One of my favorite all-time posts, right here.

    But can we talk about the scheduled underwear thing? Who DOES that? WHO IS THAT ORGANIZED?

    But....I have to say...that Rebecca Black underwear idea? BRILLIANT. Get a patent.

  11. Would it be wrong to just whip out the goods and let them preview the package? That's not too creepy is it?

  12. I'm wearing my Rebecca Black underwear now .

  13. bahahahahaha, this is so awesome.

    i LOVE your posts.



  14. This is truly advice to live by! Thank you!! Will be implementing these tips into my daily life as soon as possible. Will keep you updated on how the guy I'm 'stalking' at the moment reacts!


  15. The pictures crack me up! This is great.

  16. Those pictures are BRILLIANT :)
    Great ideas. I'll make sure to keep those tips in mind in case needed, too.

  17. Great advice... I will surely use these tips on my cellmate...

  18. hey this blog is amazing.... so diff. from other blogs. i just loved reading it

  19. @Ende, Freckles, JayVee, MD, Luciano, JayDee, Renee, Speedy, and Rashida: Aw, you guys!! Thank you!!!

    @Jan: Thanks girl!! And yes, the subtle threat is the best.

    @Jay: I know. Your intended vict- I mean, girlfriend should be flattered.

    @Middle Child: Oh you can do that too, of course!

    @Kinny: You're probably good at this! :)

    @Sey: Do it!! :)

    @Nicki: Haha! Thank you! So I saw this movie on cable (I don't know the title) where the girl was wearing a pair of Wednesday undies.

    @Danjor: As long as you leave something for the imagination, it wouldn't be creepy.

    @Maxy: I *knew* you liked her!!!

    @Imke: Yes. I want an update on that! And let me know which one worked the best for you.

    @Steve: Cellmate??? Well... Okay. I guess being in there together makes things easier. For you. Haha!

  20. Some great tips here - thanks ;-)

  21. Hihi! Thanks for the laughs! I'm going to try this out! :D We'll see if he likes me or not! I'll make him! *kidding...maybe*

  22. I like the multicolored armpit hair in the first picture... That's what I'm going to use to get noticed.

  23. Use the subtle threat.

    usually works the best for me

  24. I like your "be everywhere" advice. Stalking has always worked for me lol. You are too funny! I am always happy when I see that you have a new blog posted!

  25. WHERE WAS THIS ADVICE WHEN I STARTED DATING? Man, this would've all been helpful to know. I feel liek I could be married now had I known all of this. (Well if I didn't believe that marriage was a complete sham.. but yeah.)

  26. Kinda creepy, but I like it. I think I saw you in the mirror yesterday. You had a big smile and a big booger was hanging out ya nose. Or maybe it was just a dream? Oh noes.... ;P

  27. I'd definitely notice you, but I'm not really sure if I'd be attracted to you. Hahaha. But this is really nice. Made me smile. :D

    Have a good day!

  28. Thanks for the tips. :)

  29. Unlike everyone's "how to make him (or her) fall in love with you" stuff, this is 100% accurate. I don't know how anyone could not notice someone if they do these things. How can someone possibly get a restraining order against you if they don't notice you?!

  30. Thanks for sharing these important information.