Tuesday, May 10, 2011

The Fuct Tape That Does It All

Voice Over (In an infomercial-y annoying with fake enthusiasm voice):

From the makers of the Bloggenator Pill and the MutantBerry, here's another awesome product *JUST* for you.

Tired of ordinary the duct tape that easily breaks? 

Is it not as useful as your regular hardware store promised?

Does it make you stabby just because?

Well assholes, fret no more!!!


The duct tape that could possibly make your enemy's life a living hell.

The Fuct Tape is made of the same material ordinary duct tapes are made of, BUT!!! It is twice as useful!!!

It is so awesome, you can use it any way you want!!! AND I MEAN ANY WAY!!!

The Fuct Tape will help your every day life become more exciting than ever.
Now you can make annoying people who think they know everything shut up, hold together a broken remote control, make a badass wrist band and pretend it's real silver, wax hairy legs, and pretend you're Cyclops (but with less appeal).

It is so useful you can even throw the used Fuct Tape to the person that bugs the shit out of you.




With the Fuct Tape, you can now improve your looks by making an INSTANT GOATEE.

Just stick it to your chin and BAM!!! Goatee!!!
Because The Situation doesn't even have a goatee!!! But everyone's better than him anyway, so.

Lose weight in an instant!!! The Fuct Tape can be used as an INSTANT BODY SHAPING UNDERGARMENT FOR MEN AND WOMEN! 

And WHOA! It is a lot cheaper than Spanx!!!

Use it for kidnapping and/or blackmailing.

The Fuct Tape can make anyone you like ask you out! Less bloody and disgusting than eating their first born!!

Losing the fire in your relationship? The Fuct Tape is also the ULTIMATE RELATIONSHIP RE-ESTABLISHER!!!

Keep your love life exciting. You know you like it!!!

Old-fashioned duct tapes are so boring. Using a duct tape has NEVER been this exciting.

So whether you are a trying-to-be-cool kinda guy, or just someone who wants a flat stomach, or maybe some psycho chick who would do anything to get a date, THE FUCT TAPE is PERFECT for YOU!!!

So what the fuck are you waiting for? Order your all-in-one Fuct Tape now for only $100.00!!!

Sounds expensive? Don't worry!!! Call within the next 10 minutes and get another Fuct Tape for

In a darker color! HOW. UH-MAZING!!!

But wait!!!

There's more!!!

Order now and get a risk-free, 5-minute, money-back guarantee!!! If you're not satisfied, bring the super amazing Fuct Tape back in 5 minutes and get your money back!!! No questions asked!

So what are you waiting for?



Sort-of update:

Dear Google:
Blogger's system going down last week made led me to an emotional roller coaster. In order for you to make it up to me, I want a Google Doogle for my birthday. You have less than a month to prepare.

You're welcome.

I love too much sometimes.


  1. lol...you SHOULD be in advertisement :P
    Or,are you Saki's (alexander) Pope's daughter :D

  2. *advertising I mean..farkkk :P

  3. Get me one. I can use this for my lazy ass office guys

  4. What a brilliant new product idea. You'll make millions off of it. Until people start suing you. But, until the lawsuits start, it'll be party time!

  5. Does it come in different colors? I need some red and yellow to go with my puke green ford pinto for racing stripes and to hold up my plywood spoiler.

  6. LOL @ Keep your love life exciting. You know you like it!!!... the face of the guy was awesome. nakakarelate ako! hahaha

  7. I'd like to place an order and smack people with it anytime they tailgate on the road.

  8. hahaha! i've been missing a good laugh lately and yeah this one definitely had me. WTFtape! THEY.SHOULD.HIRE.YOU. I mean, what is it that you CAN'T sell?

  9. YOU my friend should be in advertising. Also? It has to come out in glitter too. For Cyclops. How cool would that be?

  10. My life has changed so much now that I have eighteen thousand rolls of Fuct Tape! My cross-border kidnappings go off without a hitch! My neighbors yappy dogs have been unexplicably silenced! Thanks, Fuct Tape!

  11. hahahaha, it's really you! Only you could think that a tape could enhance a couple relationship. you made me LOL..! you made my day..

    I love the idea of Eye blink..why not! Can you give me one roll of that tape. I might find a use for it to anytime soon...I mean so soon!

  12. ahahaha! i loove you gnetchy :)
    you're so effin hilarious!!, jst ordered my fuct tape online. it shld be here tomorrow :D

  13. I always use fuct tape! I like to make my junk silver.

  14. Haha! LOVE IT!. Get me some fuct tape please!

  15. I know I missed you but right now, after reading this post, I know how much! You got me cracked up in this gloomy-doomy weather! Love ya girl...so send me a fuctape! Now biatch! LOL

  16. I always like it when advertisements call me an asshole right from the get-go! :)

  17. @Sweta: Haha! I know, right? Advertising would be a lot different if I were in it. :p

    @Ratz: Fuct Tape fits everyone perfectly.

    @Jay: Why would people sue me? This product is the safest product ever!

    @Wolfy: It does, it does. You can write the color on the order form.

    @MD: Haha. I'm glad!

    @Israel: Yes. It's gonna be perfect for that too.

    @Jan: Right? I totally need a new job!!!

    @Ria: Glitter? Good idea!!!

    @Max: Go!!!! :D

    @Nicki: Ooooh... A user testimonial!! :)

    @Amy B.S.: Haha. Thanks!!!

    @Sey: The Fuct Tape is very useful. I'm sure you won't have a hard time using it.

    @Kitkat: I love you, girl!!!

    @Heckle: I knew you were the one who ordered boxes of it!!!

    @Kanwal: Sure!!! Place your order NOW!!! :P

    @Johana: Haha. I missed you more!

    @Woody: I know. The word asshole is very catchy! :p

  18. Yeah, so I used the fuct tape on my teacher.... Went pretty well you know... Simple, just use it to cover the blackboard and stuff the extra in his mouth..now with the extra extra, pull of that bushy moustache and laugh as he rushes out to the medics