Saturday, March 19, 2011

Hammers Are Important. You just need to know how to use them.

You know what's annoying? When you know someone who's secretly a bitch but they don't know it because they think they're nicest person on earth but when you're talking to them, it's like they're not listening because they're too caught up with themselves but they don't even know that they're being self-centered and all you can do is imagine that you're punching them in the mouth to make them stop talking.

About themselves.

Also, when they want to hang out, they would ask you for suggestions but when you say what you want to do, they'd be like, "No. What I have in mind is... SPA!!!"

And you'd be like, "Oh. That."

And they'd be all, "I was at a spa last week and it was like OH MY GOD super fun... BLAH-BLAH-BLAH..."

It's not that you hate going to a spa but it's not really your idea of fun. But their decision is final.

Also, you are pissed because they don't listen to you when you teach them how to pronounce your name correctly and they stick to how they want to call you. And it's super lame. 

Also when they keep insisting that you are just lazy that's why you don't hang out when in reality, you just have MORE important things to do (like a doctor's appointment and work?) and they know it. They're just a bad listener.

Also when they keep asking you for ideas just to brush them off because they have BETTER ideas.

Also when they ask you to go to the mall with them because they need to look for cute fashion accessories when they know that you design accessories and they keep saying that they also know how to make accessories (which brings out the question: Then why would you want to go to the mall to look for accessories if you know how to make them?)

So from there, an imaginary situation will take place. In your head. Because it's imaginary. Duh?


You both are at Starbucks and they are talking. You're fed up. You'd think about punching them but you don't want to ruin your manicure. So the best revenge would be to hammer some of their important stuff when they're not looking. Like their Blackberry. Because you don't want to get caught. Say, they go to the ladies' room. You will think: This. Is. My. Chance.

But you can't just do that. You need to make sure the phone breaks into tiny pieces, so tiny to be seen with the naked eye, that they won't even notice that it's there.

So you will measure your strength.

The thing is, you can't trust the strength calculator because the result is written in Comic Sans. Very unprofessional.

But still. Because this is imaginary, you will believe it and you will win.

But! You're not really the type of person who carries a hammer when you go out.

You will change that. Since you need something to defend yourself. Yes. Defend. Yourself. You don't want to listen anymore so that's all you can do.

And next time, you will know what to do.

Thank God for imaginations.

P.S. No. I will not bring a hammer. Don't worry.

(Remember, you *don't* hate them. You're just... uh... sayin'...?)


  1. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. This is hilarious. Great advice. Totally gonna use it.

  2. you have a point girl.... hahahhaha... some poeple are really like that.... they will ask your opinion but they already have their plants... eow... why do ask question if you are not ready to listenn...

  3. Oh my G, such people do exist, don't they? Besides you have a very strong point and I have some people like that who could do with the taste of a hammer.

    Bham! {is that the right sound?}

  4. You know? Strangely enough I *DO* carry a hammer with me all the time. And smashing someone's phone would be a very satisfying thing to do to some people!

  5. hahaha u're so unny but i so agree with this post. some people think the world revolves around's like get over yourself already!

  6. bring a hammer!!bring a hammer!!bring a hammer!!bring a hammer!!And take pictures :) Also, need an update on the copycat: still around?

  7. just found your blog on 20sb! love it!! so hilarious, can't stop reading!

  8. I always have those kind of fantasies where I back hand slap some douche bag that is talking loudly on his phone or doing some other annoying activity. But I will add a hammer to that fantasy.

  9. lmao I have a friend like that and how I handled the situation was told her ass off. You can't be a good friend to someone who doesn't deserve it. It'll be worse if you wait until you are fed up the really get into her ass and potentially lose her all together.

    My friend called wanting me to help her write a paper. I told her I had a paper to write myself and couldn't. She got mad and seriously tried to MAKE ME help her. I just hung up. lol Don't deal with it.

  10. @Kanwal: Thanks, girl!!!

    @PhotoClasher: Yes it is!!

    @Musingan: Totally, right? Though it's not really something to make a big deal about, it's still pretty annoying.

    @Ratz: Yes. And yes, I think it's the correct sound.

    @Jay: And why do you carry a hammer all the time, Jay??

    @Kitkat: I know, right? Thing is it's hard to make them listen.

    @Carina: I need a pink hammer!!

    @Annie: Thank you, Annie.

    @Em: :)

    @Iz: You can use a shovel too. If you want. :p

    @MD: Thanks.

    @TOAR: I do tell this person. She has the tendency to yell or get defensive (or get obviously pissed) when someone disagrees with her. Better to make fun of the situation than to argue. And your friend is kinda needy and demanding, huh. Haha.

  11. You know if you want, you could take out my 'pocket self' and blame it on me ;)

    I think it's a genius idea to carry around a hammer, but my aim isn't very good. So I think a nice wide frying pan will be my weapon of choice.

  12. I am having a terrible fucking Monday and this post cheered me up. Thanks for being awesome.

  13. Oppps, Musingan is here..hahaha!

    OMG, you made my day again! I love the illustration with the girl hiding the hammer behind her back with a pink background.

    Uhm, I wanna say more but I will just lend you my hand to hold that hammer for you. Next time we go out let's bring that hammer okay.

    I got yah! So, do you need my help?

  14. I really saw this turning into hammering their face. Hammering their cell phone is much more productive. Most of that sounds dirty, thinking about it now.

  15. Great. Now I need a flask AND a hammer that matches my purse.

  16. I think I'm going to start carrying a hammer around. You know... just incase ;)
    They should make hammer holsters. And when people ask you "what's in there?" you can just tell them it's a gun and no one will be suspicious! I mean, no one's going to shoot a Blackberry. Not as effective as smashing it. :P

  17. I will call you MC Hammer, haha :P I can sorta relate to you, I mean I heard about these kinda ppl, but luckily I am not befriended with any of them.

  18. HAHA! I wish I could do this in real life. I wish things that we imagine would actually be real. XD

  19. You know what I think? SPA! or not, whatever.

  20. You're too nice. I fantasize about taking the hammer to their face. That way, you still get the face punching effect and keep your mani nice, too!

  21. Now why would you want to smash their black berry into peices when you can ram it down their throat.......much more fun :)

  22. @Ty: Well, that's a good idea! I know I should always bring your pocket self. And a frying pan, I think, would be a lot better. :)

    @David: Awww... dude!!!

    @Sey: Yes!! I will text you when I need ANOTHER hammer!! Two is always better than one, right?? :P

    @Logic: No. Hammering their face is kinda bloody. We don't want that.

    @Nicki: Of course they have to match!!! :D

    @Friendly Llama: I know!! Making them think that you're JUST carrying a gun is less suspicious. :p

    @MKL: Haha. No. Don't call me anything BUT my name or I will hammer your phone.

    @Umi: Well, you can do this in real life. Totally!!

    @Heckle: Damn you!!! :p

    @Los Schoenys: I know. I'm like an angel. I don't want to harm anyone. Haha.

    @Wolfy: Dammit. Why didn't I think of that???

  23. Funny I know the feeling, sometimes you just have to go H.A.M. on a hammer