This is gonna be short but I HAVE LEARNED MY LESSON!!!

Yes, I have.

I've LEARNED my lesson!!!

You know sometimes when you're bored at work and you have no more blogs to read? Well, yes! I still do read blogs at work. I just go back and comment when I get home because as you know, Mutant and The Dev are now both in my shift, which makes it difficult for me not to work because I don't wanna get caught because if I do get caught, I don't know what would they do to me and just the thought of what actually might happen to me if they caught me gives me nightmares.

Well, not really.

Anyway, I was reading a blog friend's post and I noticed one of their new followers. Not in their comments section. But in their FOLLOWER THUMBNAILS.

Yes, I meant those SMALL pictures. Can you blame me?? He was eye catching. His little picture stood out!

Well, of course, what would a girl do? I clicked on the thumbnail to go to the blog and GUESS where it took me???

Of course, his blog. But what I saw on his blog is what really shocked me.

The dude's header is his NAKED, greasy self!

Honestly, it wasn't the obvious chronic narcissism that bothered me about this.

And it wasn't the fact that it was an NSFW picture, either!

It was the fact that he kinda looked like HORATIO CAINE!!!

Source

Nothing personal really but...

Fuck my life!

This is not a porn site but... Okay! What the hell, right?

From experience, I know how disappointing it is when Google leads you to the wrong site every time you search for something very important such as:

I know the feeling.

And because of that, I have come up with an IDEA so that you, who Google random stuff and end up on my blog, won't be disappointed.

Because I don't want anyone to get disappointed.

Also, because it's almost Christmas, I'll give you what you want. Whatever it is you're looking for, you'll find it here.

But first of all, those who have been Googling these:

You are in the right place.

So here we go with the rest:

1.

Keywords:

Judging by these keywords, I think you want some solution to your relationship problems. And because I'm not violent AT ALL, this is what I've come up with:

Whatever problem you have with your partner, whether he is forgetful or you're just PMS-ing, this is the best, non-violent revenge solution I can give you.

2.

Keywords:

Now, judging by these keywords, I think you're looking for a porn site so I decided to give you a male porn star/director. He looks creepy so I think he's what you're looking for.

I hope you're not disappointed to see that black bar. It's super necessary because his pants are so disgustingly tight and I don't want you to lose your appetite.

Plus, a little mystery won't hurt anyone.

3.

Keyword:

This, I think, is the weirdest keyword of all. Not only are you Googling for a whore when you can just find one anywhere, but also, you prefer an edentulous one.

You have weird tastes. But to each his own. Who am I to judge?

So here she is:

You're welcome.

The Internet Gods are being assholes so I'm making a sacrifice for them to treat me nicely

I think-- No. I'm SURE there are some issues between me and the Internet Gods. Every time I try to do something VERY important like stalking reading blogs, it gives me this:

That's my Internet connection. Most of the time, especially when I watch YouTube videos, it stops and asks me to wait!!

Wait? You're asking me to wait? ARE YOU SERIOUS?!!!

So forgive me guys if I miss some of your posts or fail to comment back. These fuckers think I'm such a loser and they are giving me a hard time loading your pages. But I'm trying my best to catch up. I'm dedicated like that.

What the fuck are you smoking, Internet Gods???

You have got to be smoking something. I don't deserve this kind of treatment because *I* am such an angel (DON'T. EVEN. THINK. ABOUT DISAGREEING)!

Who the hell do you think you are, treating me like this? My brother and I pay the bills MONTHLY and we split 50-50 but you're not being fair to me! You're nice to him but not to me???

What do you want me to do? Do I have to make a sacrifice? Do you want Horatio Caine's NAKED BODY? I will totally give you that!!! But seriously, ew!!!

I'll even give you Justin Bieber's head if you really, really, really want it. I'll give it to you. Even if I get more death threats from his fans on Twitter (like, more than I used to get...?)!!! I'll take it. Just treat me right!

I'm sorry about the pink background. It just looks good on her him.

P.S: I would like to thank EVERYONE who participated in the Vodka/Ice Cream Party. You guys are so awesome, you make my heart jump out of my mouth!! I have updated it 5 times so to anyone who hasn't seen the late comers, go HERE.

THE MEGA UPDATE: This post proves that girls are ballsier than boys.

So about 2 weeks ago, I forced invited ALL OF YOU guys to an online party that I, along with my Asian girls, Tyla and Sweta organized. Due to the super short notice, some of you asked if we could postpone the party. So we did.

Because we're considerate like that. (HA-HA!)

And now, here are the pictures you all have been aching to see. We don't want to prolong your agony so enjoy the BLOGGER SOCIAL: The Online Vodka/Ice Cream Party!!!

Unfortunately, at the moment, Sweta is sick and cannot join the party. But she will. Definitely.

This is one of my favorite girls, Ria from Serious Stuff About Lif-- Oooh, Shiny!!!

You may have noticed from the title of her blog, our minds work the same, easily distracted by thi-- What the fuck was that sound???

I'm sorry about that. Got distracted.

Anyway, Ria asked if she could bring someone along. Of course she can. Everybody's welcome. So now, I present to you:

 Ria's friend, Gabriella! Ice cream tastes better when you're seriously focused. :)

 This is Christina from Christina In Wonderland. I sent her some death threats and tried to black mail her just to join. I told her I will kidnap Fran Kranz and shave his head. She didn't want that. 

And who the fuck is this girl? Obviously, that's me, eating ice cream from the tub.

You're probably wondering where the vodka party is. You're probably too anxious to see us drunk.

No?

Fuck guys, just play along!!!

Ready?

 

This is one of my favorite girls, Tyla from Run Fat Girl Run. Read her blog. She's awesome. She can pour in all her thoughts in a short post which is difficult but she can! I'm a fan.

Who drinks vodka from a wine glass?? Well, me!!! Got a problem with that? I thought so.

 Me again, giving my kinda friend the you're-not-planing-to-finish-that-whole-bottle-are-you glare.

Me and my evil plan. That drink I was gonna pour on my gay friend's head is called Zombie. Well, I know it's not vodka, it's rum or something but what the hell. 

And of course, for the finale picture: 

 

 Can anyone guess who this is??

I know you can't.

That's CB!!! Yes, CB from One Crazy Brunette Chick! She was hesitant at first to have this picture posted because aside from the part that this picture is from years ago, she was blond. Which wasn't a bad look for her at all. She said I was BS-ing her though I wasn't. But I want to show you her current gorgeous not-drunk look:

Yes, she had to come to this party in that pretty dress because one, I appreciated that even she was on blog vacation, she still sent me a picture and two, she designed my new header!

EDIT: After re-reading this post, I realized that the constant updates I have been making are headache inducing so I decided to reorganize this and put the latecomers in one table.

So here are the late but still awesome and badass comers:

This is LaceyRee from This Freckeled Lemonade. Have I told you she's cool? Yes, I just did. And she draws too! Her doodles are super awesome.

I think blackmail works EVERY TIME!!! This is Sey from 14th Street. I told her I will jump over the bridge if she fails to participate! And look, here she is!!

Sweta from The Disappearing Caravan is feeling better and is now here!!! Told you she's gonna join!

This is Janjan from Between Me And My Thoughts. I blackmailed her as well!! It totally works. Try it!!

And this one is (I don't know if I can reveal her name) from And I'm No Miss. And she brought some friends!! How badass is that? Awesome, right???

Okay, so did you enjoy the party? Thanks to those who attended and to those who still want to come, you still can!!! We welcome late comers. We won't throw you in the pool because we're nice.

Promise.

Also, to the boys, you might want to prove my title wrong. Right? GIRLS RULE, FUCKERS!!! :-)

P.S. PHOTOS USED ON THIS POST ARE PERSONAL PHOTOS OF THE PARTICIPANTS AND YOU ARE NOT IN ANYWAY ALLOWED TO USE THEM ON YOUR OWN BLOGS (unless you are the owner, of course).