So When The Blogger Is Away, The Copycat Will Play?

Disclaimer: This post was written calmly. Believe me or I'll set you on fire. No. I mean, really. I waited a few days so I won't sound as angry and/or annoyed. And I tried to avoid sounding arrogant because I am not. I hope I succeeded. Also, this is going to be funny in the end so read on.

So the other day, while I was reading blogs, and I saw a very familiar comment to one of my blog friend's posts. It was MY comment, written by someone else. I would know. Wouldn't you know if a comment or a joke is yours? So I looked at this person's blog and saw that I commented that on one of her posts and she decided to use it when she gets the chance. Which was obviously annoying and of course, weird. I didn't know someone would SORT OF plagiarize comments.

Sort of, because the funny thing about this person is that she doesn't have the balls to say the word, "fuck." So instead, she used "crap" and "damn." Well, she is a good person and she might go to hell for using that horrid word.

Obviously not the actual comment.

Anyway, it was then I remembered that this girl has written something in the past that is so similar to one of my old posts. And by similar, I mean the topic, the format, the labels, AND the ranting style!! Which is too obvious because her writing is different from what I am used to and it is (or was) totally different from mine. I talked to her about it and she denied that she has read my post. And since I'm the nicest bitch in the planet, I let it go. Her version is like a cheap imitation anyway.

Also? It's not like I'm the only one who can think of that same topic (although the format of that post was undeniably the same as mine) so what the hell.

You see? I'm all kinds of nice. (Please note that this sentence was written in a very sarcastic manner that I think the person I'm talking about will never be able to copy because she is in no way sarcastic.)

But a few of her latest posts are starting to sound like my blog voice!!!

What I'm trying to say is, if you try to sound like someone else on your blog, it would sound fake! You wouldn't want to sound as if you're trying too hard, would you? And do you even feel proud when your readers compliment you on your writing when you know it is somebody else's style that you just coldbloodedly copied?

So a note to my dear copycat. I want to let you know that you're not going to hell if you use the word fuck. So if you want to copy me, say it. Say fuck. It is spelled F-U-C-K. Fuck.

Not that I invented that word but you see, if you want to sound like me, you can sweetly say it.

You're welcome.

Also, if you're still hesitant to say that word due to the fear that Satan will come after you, I just want to let you know that the words damn and crap are also forms of expletives. So if you think the word "fuck" could drag you to hell, damn and crap would do too. Oh! And also theft! So be prepared.

I'm that supportive.

So!

Guys, if you ever were victimized by this kind of person, let me know. I have, as always, thought of another great idea on how to get rid of copycats.

By stamping "second-hand material" on their blogs.

Actually, it is Emily Jane's great idea. Not mine.

Reminder: I made this post very specific because I didn't want to cause you, my dear readers, to get all paranoid and think that I'm talking about you. So if you haven't done anything I just mentioned, then it means I love you because you are one original badass and I'm not talking about you.

To the person I'm talking about, it's not too late to bring back your own style. I'm just saying. And linking back won't kill you or give you STDs. Also, it won't cause your hair to fall off. If some posts reminded you of an experience and you decided to write about it, it wouldn't hurt to link back. But copying comments is really stupid so just stop it.

Also, to the person who got paranoid because of my tweets about imitation, it wasn't about you. Stop the E-mailing your blog friends about it, trying to have a pity party, and getting all defensive about your posts.

Yes, one of the people you e-mailed is my friend. So to calm you down, this is not about you and my tweets weren't about you. Stop Chris Browning yourself about this.

And by Chris Browning, I did not mean "physically assaulting" yourself. I meant, this kind of Chris Browning:

 [photo credit]

You Wouldn't Like Me When I'm Hungry. Also, A Warning

Do you experience those times when you are craving for a certain food but you can't figure out what it is? Like, you tried eating cake but still, you're not satisfied so you'll buy ice cream and eat it but still, you're not satisfied? Like your taste buds are looking for something else?

No? (Liar!)

Well, that happens to me a lot.

Yesterday was a bit different though. I knew what I was craving. I was craving French fries. It was so impossible to ignore. Like, I would KILL for fries!!!

No, I'm not knocked up, asshole. PMS does this too! 

So anyway, after HOURS of trying to decide whether I should give in or not, I finally called a certain fast food chain to order. I'm lazy like that. And since I'm such a nice daughter and sister, I ordered for everyone at home. But you know how annoying customer service hotlines are. They ask a lot of questions. And they speak so fast! And I was hungry. So I was like: "Wait. I'm sorry?"

And they were all: "Thedeliverywillarrivein30minutesafterwesetthephonedownanditisnow2:00soyourorderwillarrive at2:30isitokay?"

So I said, yes. (By yes, I meant yes, it's okay. Prepare my order already. I can't wait for the fries.)

Then, after 15 agonizing minutes, one person from the fast food chain called and told me that the burger my sister wanted was not available. So I changed it.

Just give me the fries please.

And again, "Thedeliverywillarrivein30minutesafterwesetthephonedownanditisnow2:15soyourorderwillarrive at2:45isitokay?"

WHAT? ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? YOU SAID MY FRIES WILL ARRIVE AT 2:30??? AND NOW I HAVE TO WAIT FOR ANOTHER 30 MINUTES??????

They said sorry. But fuck!!! The food arrived at 2:50!!!

They cannot fool people like this. They just can't. They don't want to see me angry!!! I took a very serious quiz at The Oatmeal months ago and according to the results, I could take 21 Biebers in a fight!!!

I'm that dangerous when hungry angry!!!

Now you know!

Anyway, regarding my plan to rule the world, consider this a warning to those who are still doubtful. (Yes, I'm talking about you, Wolf, Max Evel, and Dr. Heckle!!!)

CB and I will totally put you in a torture chamber where you will be forced to listen to the most horrible songs in the history sang by a person of indeterminate gender The Bieb!

This is what will happen to Dr. Heckle and Wolf if they continue to try to discourage and/or stop CB and me.

If the fire doesn't scare you, I suppose, that one in the middle will.

Did you notice that Max Evel is not in the fire dungeon? Of course, I wouldn't put him there. He would enjoy it. It would be like a vacation for him. Fire is his thing!

So I made a special torture chamber just for him. A room made of ice.

How do you like your future rooms, guys?

And Max, if you're looking for your tail, I cut it and sold it on Craigslist.

Also, I would like you to take that quiz about Bieber. Just so I could find out who I can hire.

I'm Not Unappreciative. I'm Just Forgetful.

For some reason, most of you have GUESSED that I have this huge plan of taking over the world. I don't know how you knew that. But anyway, since you have guessed it, there's no point in denying it.

Yes, that is my plan. And BBBF Crazy Brunette is also in on it. It's OUR plan, actually.

And since you know it already, fine! You're in.

But for those who are still doubtful of my awesomeness, well... here's more proof!

As CB said, I AM THE BLOG TAGGING SLUT!

From I'm No Miss and Carina

I'm No Miss gave me this award before she went on blog hiatus. So it has been like more than a month ago. I just forgot to post it. I did not intentionally ignore it. I swear!!! And Carina, she is a dear blog friend.

From Janjan, Carina, and Mishieru

Three people think my blog is fucking sweet and if you disagree, you can get the hell out! See? I'm that sweet!

Do you really have the guts to disagree? No? Well, I didn't think so.

From Mishieru

Blog with substance! What did I tell you? With my great ideas and all, of course my blog has substance!

From Sami

From LaceyRee

Two Versatile Blogger Awards! One from Sami and another one from LaceyRee!!! You all know I'm versatile! I mean, I make you laugh, I send you death threats, I sometimes cuss, call people names, write awesome poems... The list goes on. I just haven't done a musical blog post but that's gonna happen soon.

Have you been to LaceyRee's blog? She's so good at drawing I thought she was a professional. But she said she's not. I don't believe her. She's so fucking good!!!

Anyway.

Thanks, guys!!! With these awards, I'm so ready for world domination!!!

So my complexion doesn't match on this picture. BLAME IT ON BAD LIGHTING!!! AND THAT'S AN ORDER!

But I curled my hair. See?

And I had to wear sunglasses because my eyes were puffy from all the flashes of TMZ's cameras. Those paparazzi just can't get enough of me!!! I just don't know why I don't get used to it.

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Anyway, in a very unrelated news, Emily Jane is competing at Weddingbells.ca blogger search. 

"Voting will be JULY 6 – 27, 2010, and you can vote once, per email address, per day. All you need to do is register at Weddingbells.ca (you don’t need to be a bride, or getting married, or even interested in weddings!), and you will be able to sign in and vote at: http://Weddingbells.ca/bloggersearch." - Emily Jane

Well, actually, in order to register, you need to fill out a form in which you will be asked to write the name of your bride/groom-to-be. The fun part? You can think of any name! Well, I wrote Drew Fuller. Bite me! So Drew and I are gonna get married January next year. But he doesn't know it yet.

See that???

Check out this post for more details.

So! What are you waiting for? Register and vote for Em! Click that huge pink round button on my sidebar.

What Twitter Needs

I have a suggestion to Twitter on how to get rid of the Fail Whale!!!

I'm that smart. See?

To all those who doesn't have Twitter, this is the Fail Whale.

When the Fail Whale appears, we won't be able to tweet for like 5-10 minutes. Sometimes, even longer. There are times that we can't even sign in!

It is really a pain in the ass, especially when your brain just gave you a 140-character sentence that you wanted to share to the world so you will try to sign in but Twitter won't allow you because "Twitter is over capacity," and you will try to refresh and refresh and refresh and refresh again, but the Fail Whale is still there and by the time you are able to sign in, you have forgotten what you were going to tweet!!!

See? There's a personal issue between Twitter and me.

It happened to me last week!!! So I used Facebook to release by frustration.

But Facebook went behind my back. I'm pretty sure Facebook told Twitter what I did because the next day, I found out that my entire @ page (a.k.a mentions) was gone!!! So guys, all your tweets for me just disappeared!

I'm sure Twitter said this: "Since you are so angry that we are always over capacity, we will delete all your tweets, you bitch! Take that, mofo!" And so my mentions were deleted.

Pretty mean, right? I also think that Twitter secretly reads my blog because they know how to get back at someone the non-violent way. 

So, due to that unfortunate incident, I have decided to make it up to Twitter. (Guys, I just want to let you know that I'm not really sincere in apologizing to Twitter but let's pretend that I am. Just don't go behind my back like  Facebook did, okay?)

♥ ♥ ♥ I'm sorry Twitter ♥ ♥ ♥. 

See? I even added little hearts! I'm that good!!!

And to make it up to you, Twitter, I have a suggestion!!!

Instead of forcing the little birdies to carry the Fail Whale, why don't you just hire this guy and clone him:

It will be easier for them to carry the Fail Whale because they are much stronger than the birds!!!

Only, you might eventually need to change your name from Twitter to BeefyTer.

It sounds weird but we will all get used to it.

♥ ♥ ♥ SUPER HEART ♥ ♥ ♥

So guys, do you think Twitter bought that? Seriously? But that's an awesome idea, right?

I KNOW!!!

Anyway, I have a weird pervy follower on Twitter.

This next one is his tweet to the other people he's stalking.

Okay. So to Loverguye, your tweets are horrible. Not to mention the grammar and spelling. Are you using your toes when typing???

Do you want to see more of this perv's tweets??? It's here. I will totally expose all mofos on this blog from now on!!!

I got the picture of the man with enormous muscles here.

Why Hasn't Anyone Thought Of Making Life-Sized Condoms? Why?

Obviously, I'm back to my regular programing.

In case you're all wondering, I'm doing better now, thank you.

But in case you don't care, then fuck you!

Okay. So as I have said, I'm back to my regular programing. And you know what? I just had another GREAT idea!!! I know!!!

Let me start with how I got this GREAT idea.

It is a fact that we encounter dickheads in our daily lives. There's a lot of them in the world and we all are getting affected. And I care about the world. So how can we manage to stop those assholes from annoying us?

Easy. A life-sized condom for dickheads!

I mean, you know, the human kind.

Don't be such pervs, bitches! This is a borderline wholesome blog!!!

So the other day, I ranted on Facebook that I wanted to punch someone in the mouth but the idea of his saliva on my fist stopped me. Well, give me a break. It *is* disgusting.

If you think I'm talking about The Dev, you're wrong. This one's actually a milder kind of dickhead.

But still a dickhead.

So I was on my way home from work, tired, sleepy, and just wasn't in the mood for crap. And then this dude got in the bus that I was in and sat beside me. Well usually, I just ignore strangers. But this dude was huge. And he was talking on his cell phone so loudly. I HAD A HEADACHE!!!

Well, okay, so he didn't know that.

But still. He didn't have to talk so loud on the phone. He sounded like he had a built-in microphone inside his voice box!

Yes.

That. Loud.

And what was he discussing with the person on the phone? A crappy TV series!!!

 

So I thought, if only there's a way to stop this dickhead from being such a dick without punching him in the mouth!

And then last night, I saw this tweet from Geeky.

And an awesome idea came to me!!!

A life-sized condom for dickheads!!!

See? That would probably stop all dickheads!

So condom manufacturers, what are you waiting for?

You guys, don't you think these manufactures should start paying me for the awesome ideas I have been suggesting? I mean really! This will totally help the condom industry!

Well, I'm awesome like that. I should be paid.

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Oh! Wait. This is totally unrelated. And totally late. CB is hosting a Fucked Up Friday Follow. I know it's not Friday anymore but you know my schedule. I go to work Friday and come home Saturday. So here it is. Click the button. Now! Even if it's late. Because I said so. *angry Asian face*