Thursday, July 14, 2011

It's like I'm not giving you a choice. Just say YES.

So my friends at work and I have been looking for a new job. And no, this is not just an ordinary I-HATE-MY-COWORKERS-SO-I-NEED-A-NEW-JOB kind of looking. Okay. A little bit of that but aside from that, this is really serious. SO serious. (With occasional laughing and making fun of some of the job openings that we see on the Internet, of course. But still.) Serious. Really serious.

Like I'm-out-of-fucking-coffee-goddammit serious.

Because our company is about to close down.

A.K.A. Cease operation.

A.K.A...

Okay. You get it.

Anyway, what can I do? I mean, even though they are my friends, I have to keep one step ahead.

So I decided to post some of my skills on this blog. FOR THE WHOLE WORLD TO SEE!

And by for the whole world, I mean all 14 of you who still read my blog.


So, potential employers? Sit back and relax while I tell you how I can benefit your firm IF and only IF you *HIRE ME*.

1.  Do you need someone who can make really sweet greeting cards? I made a few samples months ago. Hallmark ignored it.Well, now is your great chance. Let Hallmark regret their decision of ignoring my undeniable sweetness and thoughtfulness.

Here's another sample.
I know, I'm really sweet.

Uhm, Starbucks, you can hire me too if you want.

2. Do you need a stylist? A designer? Do you need a costume for Halloween? I don't mean to brag but that's one of my many talents. I am very creative.
 
One of my very creative, original, fashion-forward creations. A female ghost costume. Wait 'til you see the male ghost.

Here.
I really should have auditioned for Project Runway. Dang!

3. Do you need someone who is positive and adorable? A PR Person maybe?

With my utmost charm, I can make people believe everything I say. Or buy anything I sell. Plus, I am very patient! What a bonus!


WHO DREW THAT? I DIDN'T DRAW THAT! SOMEONE'S OUT TO GET ME. I'M REALLY PATIENT. ASK MY MOM.


I promise, I will be the best employee ever. I'm a people person.




I am very VERY charming. I have the tendency to look NATURALLY angelic especially when I'm not smiling. It's like the default setting of my face. Friendly and pleasant. Very approachable.

Don't you think it's charming? But really, the person holding the camera should know how to count before clicking.

I didn't know I was in the picture and I didn't realize I was giving my friend that look. Don't judge.
So to my dear future super lucky employer? What are you waiting for? Hire me before anyone else gets the chance to steal me from you.

20 comments:

  1. Well, you are talented. There's no doubt to that. If there's an opening with these skills, i will let you know.

    And,for the male ghost----> Bwahahahahahahaha!

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  2. I would hire you...if I was in need of an employee...or had any money :-P

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  3. I will hire you for a public relations position. It's perfect for you because of your love of people and your naturally sweet, sunny disposition.

    And, I literally LOL'd when I saw the male ghost. :-)

    -Jay

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  4. I would hire you but you seem overqualified... sorry!

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  5. I will hire you! as a secret hate teror-card maker.. =p

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  6. "I didn't know I was in the picture and I didn't realize I was giving my friend that look. Don't judge."
    PRICELESS!!!!

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  7. I would hire you... but I'm actually in the process of looking for a new job, too. Seriously.

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  8. Well your in luck Gnetch I have just the position for you........oh wait your already my official stalker. Never-mind.

    By the way I told you don't cut out the eyes in my pictures unless you plan on making them into some type of creepy mask

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  9. Crap is tough all over. They just had another session of firing (20 people). I'm also thinking of creative ways to make $$$$. Let's join forces and rule the world!!!!

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  10. So I was reading and then I got distracted by the ginormous pizza in the pic at the end, and I started salivating. I am such a fat ass. Anyway, sorry it took me so long to read this, I haven't even had time to scratch my butt lately. lesigh.. I hope that you find a great job. I hope that I find a great job. I hope that we'll both be rich and get to quit our jobs and then just bloggity blog blog all day long.Yeah, I hope for a lot of things, especially that some of these 'hopes' come true. <3

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  11. Hahahaha I loved this! I know what you mean. Job hunting is such a tedious, yet important, thing I force myself to do everyday.

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  12. I also like to make my own Halloween costumes! Including the one year I made my own dog costume with a shark for a nose. So I vote you try for costume designer. Or pro blogger.

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  13. Nearly cried laughing through this... Greatttt post!

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  14. Everyone: Thank you!!!!!! Your comments made me laugh!!!

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  15. WHAT THE HELL GNETCHY WHY IS THAT PIZZA SO BIG

    Serrriiiiiously. It's giving me hunger pains.

    And if you DON'T audition for Project Runway, I will hunt you down and tape your audition tape MYSELF.

    (This has been a strangely aggressive comment. I need to focus more on puppies and kittens when I write these things.)

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  16. You had me at "I hardly abbreviate my text messages." No employee of mine should ever be caugh using "u." Then again, I don't have any employees so it really doesn't matter...

    Lor

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  17. That's a great greeting card, can I have one. I just need it for someone.

    With the job thing, good luck.

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  18. hahahha! Love your expressions in the pics!! :P priceless!!!

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  19. Para los que les gusta la magia http://bit.ly/qWU1Gn es un lugar donde podes aprender magia, trucos y un monton de cosas mas! entren yaaa!!!

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